I need a friend/mom

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by zoerogers, Dec 24, 2013.

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  1. zoerogers

    zoerogers Member

    Hello I'm 21 now its christmas now and things never got better only worse so now my life is only going more down hill and there is not a day that go by I don't think of killing myself so only looking for a friend or mom or someone to talk to to make it stop all the bad thoughts of hurting myself and people I know or just meet I want to be normal and smile :(
     
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I think many people who come here want a friend, or family closeness. Almost all people who come here are in pain similar to what you describe. Here many find community. Some call it family. So I personally think you have come to the right place. I think it is a kind place. You can be yourself here. You do not have to hide how you feel. Because most people here are also in much pain. or they remember all too well when they were.
    :welcome: :butterfly2:
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sending you hugs ok you can talk here anytime hun we will hear you You are not alone now hugs
     
  4. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    nice to meet you zoerogers, i am sorry you are feeling so bad atm... can you tell me a bit about yourself, what got you feeling this way?
     
  5. zoerogers

    zoerogers Member

    Hello yes thank you for replying so fast both you didn't think anyone would talk to me I'm 21 stay with my friend now sins was 8 when mom past away stayed with my dad and things happened so I ran away from home and she found me and took me in but ever sins I can't forget what happened so every night now it get worse and worse and got to where tried 2 times now to kill myself but was silly and it didn't work and want to do it every day now so thought maybe should try and see if anyone would care or atleast hear my story sounds silly now when put in words
     
  6. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    hello,

    it sounds like you have had a pretty rotten shake at life. i'm sorry for that. i too lost my mom at a young age.... but i was 12. my dad was abusive but it was mostly along the lines of emotional and psychological with a very occasional physical added in.... and i think he did it more because i think even now he feels the need to shut down in order to avoid pain b/c it hurt him so much to lose my mom. i am sorry that it sounds to me like your dad abused you.... have you ever spoke to your friend or anyone about what happened and your feelings surrounding all the events beginning with your mom dieing?

    and just so you know... a strong belief i have here... no one person's pain is any lesser or greater than anothers... if you feel emotional pain it is significant

    hence, it can't be silly :p
     
  7. zoerogers

    zoerogers Member

    Yes my dad hurted me for years but didn't mind the words that much but when re tried to replace my mom with me I was to young for that kinds of things he did..way to young if he started with that part now sure I could handle it but he almost killed me a few times to do that to a girl who could barly right never the less do that with a fully grown man he was a really sick man but anyway yes I spent years with him and it was never good I can't say atleast we had some nice moments ew never did and now I'm sick so don't. Have the time to deal with what he did to me and this as well its just to much so that's why I desided to take my life
     
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    what you wrote is a story of so much pain. I am sorry he did that to you. Bad enough your mom died when you were so young. Then you were abused by your father. This is very very painful and I am sorry. you write that you are sick so you dont have the time to deal with what he did to you and this as well. Are you physically sick? Here is a safe :hug: for you if you would like.

    This is a real community. and now you are a part of it. So I want you to stay alive to keep talking to us. Okay? :hug:
     
  9. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member



    of course we will talk to you. that is why we're here

    xx
     
  10. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    Hi zoerogers,

    I am sorry to hear of the pain (both physical and emotional) you have been through and are going through. I have been raped 3 times in my life by different people I knew, and have been in other abusive situations (all occuring after my mother passed) so I can relate to an extent but what you went through was horrible and I'm sorry for that. No kid should ever be treated by their father in the ways you were. Have you been able to talk to anyone about it all.. to sort through it? I know it seems as if talking about it cannot make it better in any way... but, if done in a healthy way, over time, talking can help you find ways to cope, and in some cases to overcome it. Talking leads to learning ways of coping and also each time you talk about it, you get a little more de-sensitized to it so that particular memory no longer has as much influence over you. You say you are sick .... do you mean emotionally? physically? Do you know what it is that ails you?

    Honestly, the way I see it.... if you do decide to take your life, you are allowing your dad and anyone else that ever abused you to have the final say on your life. See, to me... abuse and/or any mental illness causes an inner struggle for control of us and our lives. The abusers/mental illnesses want only to harm us and/or kill us .... our inner selves want to survive and thrive.... its an on-going struggle that can only end when one side or the other takes total control and either takes power completely away from the other side, or causes the other side to become non-existant. I don't want you to be non-existant and i do not wish for the power to be taken from you. I think that the power was taken from you for far too long and you are kind of scared to reclaim that power. I can understand that. But... think of this, what would it feel like to be happy? What would it feel like to be contented? What would it feel like to know you are safe? These are things that you can attain.... but it will take a lot of hard work and it will not be easy... but, I think they are worth feeling at least one more time, don't you?
     
  11. zoerogers

    zoerogers Member

    Okay well I'm sick sick not in my mind sick like need pills anyway yes I wonthered what it would be like to be happy and a few times wonthered what people must think about happy people what they think all day all I think of is how I'll try to kill myself tonight *always sleep in the day* and yes I know talking helps but only so much it stops working after a while same as cutting I cutted for years but after a while it stoped giving any relieve of any kind so just did it out of boredom after a while as for talking it do help it made me abel to smile for a while actually but that went away and talking just didn't help anymore eather so no matter what I do now there is not a night that go by that it don't get worse and I don't think of hurting myself or my friends that stay with me so I'm scared eather ill kill myself or I'll hurt someone els I don't want to be hurting so came here and thought maybe I'll find a friend or someone that would pretend to care about me or someone like a mom I know I'm not aloud propably to ask for people from here to invite me on bbm only to have a friend to talk to more often but wish I could be on here more often and see if it helped
     
  12. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    not sure what you mean by bbm?

    talking helps in the following ways: you can sort through your thoughts / feelings and put them in proper perspective or maybe many different perspectives and look to see which perspective seems to be the most true to adopt as your own, you can develop ideas on how to cope/heal from your problems, helps you to just get things off your chest and therefore out of your mind soemtimes, allows us to realize we are not alone, allows us to connect with each other in a way that is at times even more beneficial than the physical can ever be, it allows us to gain strength and courage and helps us to build up our own self image/confidence, gives us the benefit of seeing other points of views we may not have been able to see without talking, allows us to form supports and relationships... talking can help in many many different ways.

    cutting however, though it has a good disguise of helping by making the person think they are transfering emotional pain to the more easily manageable physical pain, or that they are now in some way making up for a wrong they commited or etc... in the long run, cutting does nothing but create more problems for the person ... thats why cutting is not a healthy way to deal with stress

    when you say sick as in you need pills... do you need you are physically ill and need medication, you are strung out and need another high, or that you need medication for mental illness?

    why do you think you will hurt yourelf or kill yourself ... like is that something that would be very easy for you to be able to do ... you have the things you would require, etc? if that is true can you either a) suicide proof your house or b) call a crisis line or hotline ?

    honestly pretend care is not a good thing, it ususally ends in more hurt.. dont search out pretend care, search out true care.
     
  13. zoerogers

    zoerogers Member

    Sick as in I'm sick and have to take pills to be healthy I have cancer anyway yes I have what I need to do it its not really that hard to do it if you put your mind to it its just how fast things get worse 2 weeks ago I was fine now there is not a night that go by I don't want to kill myself so if it keeps going like this I'll kill myself in a week maybe 2
     
  14. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Zoe, you have definitely had a rough life. I can't even begin to imagine what you have endured. But the fact that you are here shows that you are a fighter. That you want to go on. Its just really hard for you to believe that things will ever get better. But they will. And you have come to a good place for support. Drop in to the chat room some time. You can really get to know people there. And they can get to know you and support you.
     
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