I need a friend

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by stevs2, Mar 7, 2010.

  1. stevs2

    stevs2 Active Member

    I met and fell in love with my ex almost 10 years ago. He transferred to another state around the 3 year mark, and we stayed together long distance. He transferred again to Tennessee 3 years ago. I gave up my life and moved the 600 miles to be with him 2 1/2 years ago. I got a new (much lower paying) job. He got sent on a special project out of state 6 months ago, and then dumped me 2 months ago. He says 75% of our relationship is great, but we are lacking the 25% based on intimacy. The only friend that I am out to in my neighborhood is moving at the end of the month. I think my ex is seeing someone, and may have wanted to be with him while we were still together. Over Valentines weekend, he went to Mardi Gras with this guy, who by the way is married with kids.

    I can't sleep at night because I dream of them together. I can barely function during the day because everything reminds me of him, and what I've lost. I want to end it, but I'm a coward. I use my dogs as an excuse to keep going. I don't know what to do. I called the suicide hotline and got put on hold (not a joke). If I can find a home for my babies that will love them as much as I do, I can get up the courage to do what I need to do.
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for the grief you are suffering right now. I definitely hear how upset you are by this situation.

    Staying and fighting through the grief is NOT a cowardly thing to do. I takes a strong person to do that. Having dogs and them being so utterly important to you that you stick around means that those are very lucky dogs. No one can love them as much as you do. Rehoming them wouldn't give them what they need. YOU give them what they need.

    Have you looked into support groups for people in your situation? Or therapy? Or tried a doctor? Do you want to stay in the area where you are, or look to start afresh, maybe somewhere where you have family or something?
  3. stevs2

    stevs2 Active Member

    My family barely speaks to me because of my orientation. I don't ;ile where I am, I hate where I am. Unfortunately with this economy I can't go anywhere else. Insurance has paid for all the therapy they will pay for for the calendar year, and I can't afford to pay out of pocket. I hate this, I hate what I've become.
  4. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I hear you and can relate to some of what your going through you have friends here feel free to talk all you like.
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi, Please hang on to your dogs! May sound silly to most but not to you but last summer I hung on for my old scrawny cat as I feared for her future should I go. Sometimes like is like that for us, we have to hang on to whatever touches our hearts and clearly your dogs mean a great deal to you. I work with animals and can tell you the grieve when they lose and owner and many pass shortly after there owners die, especially dogs more so than say cats.

    If you are anything like me it is hard to get the negative sad thoughts out of your head so I focus on the good, it may just be a tiny shred like my cat but I just keep thinking how wonderful she is and soon a few other positive thought stroll in and I am not is such a deep dark hole any more....sad sure but the depression is not running the show anymore and I can think more clearly. Just something you could try as you feel such a special bond to your dogs.

    You two were together for a long time so please give your heart time to heal and be gentle with yourself.

    We are here to listen and help you through this difficult time so please continue to post as much as you can,,,get all that out so you don't have to deal with alone.

  6. stevs2

    stevs2 Active Member

    We are the sum of our experience. I wish I could go back in time and fix my broken past, since it's hard to live in the present and the future isn't bright.

    Always searching
    Never finding
    Always wanting
    Not receiving
    Dying slowly inside and out

    I sit and wait in darkness
    I dream of night
    I wait to feel something
    That’s not despair
    I ponder my life
    I wish for what I can never have

    Alone with my pain
    Alone with my thoughts
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 7, 2010
  7. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I disagree! We are more then the sum of our parts and our experiences, besides our experiences can change, you have that power and that strength inside of you, it our job as your friends to remind you of that strength and to be there for you to lean on when you don't feel so strong.

    You have a future, it seems sad right now cuz your are so raw from the break up but your heart we heal and we are here to help with that.
  8. stevs2

    stevs2 Active Member

    I'm not sure I want a future filled with uncertainty and pain. I think it may easier to give up. I called a friend and asked if she would take care of the mutts if anything happened to me (they love her and her husband). She said they would. I just needed to put her number in my wallet for in case of emergency for the police. Now I just need to change my life insurance and bank accounts so she has the information.
  9. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Hey hun. I know 100% how you feel. I had known my ex since 1997. Now, he will not even be my friend. We haven't talked since October. About two weeks ago, I seen pics of him online with some other girl. I seriously had a hard time doing anything when I thought about them together and me alone. Luckily, I am a passionate woman so love happens again for me. Unfortunately, I cared for him more than anybody because I knew him so long. Now, he is in Europe and I am here in the States. Long distance makes it harder versus if he lived here and I could just run into him somewhere. The sad thing is after I came back here in late August, him and I only lasted about a month until we ceased all contact in October. Hurts!
  10. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Also, I am in Chicago alone too without any friends. Please, don't give up. It does get better. If Elizabeth Taylor can get married like 7 times, love will find us all again and again... Keep an open mind and heart.
  11. stevs2

    stevs2 Active Member

    Well, if I liz's money and fame I could get 7 boy toys too. LOL

    Thanks you everyone for your words of support.