I need a little help

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by JM92, Nov 2, 2009.

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  1. JM92

    JM92 New Member

    I know it's long, but I felt everything had to be included, and I need some serious help before things get any worse. I also don't know if this is in the right section...

    My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago, said he's been having on and off feelings for me. We had a pretty troubled week before that because of his indecisiveness. He's called me the passed couple of days since we broke up, we still talk as friends, besides a few sweet things he throws in there. I guess I'll switch to the background now. When we first started talking, about 4 months ago, he told me he gets paid by his psychiatrist to do a blind study with an antidepressant/anxiety medication. He doesn't know what he's taking. He had also been in a mental hospital the year before due to breakdowns and depression. Everything was perfect throughout those months until the passed week or so. He was an incredible guy, he treated me right, and I knew he loved me dearly. There was only 1 or 2 times when he forgot to take his medication for a few hours, which he'd just act a bit anxious and I'd try to calm him down. Last week he was bringing things up about my ex, and I was trying to explain that I didn't still have feelings for him and that I was sorry it was hurting him. He ended up hanging up on me and not calling back for the first time. Since then I'd had a terrible feeling. The next day he sent me an apology saying I didn't deserve his shitty attitude and what not, we talked that night, everything was fine again. Then the next day, out of nowhere he sets his relationship status to single, makes a status saying he'll find someone else, and deletes me. I try calling him for hours to find out what was going on, but his phone was off. When I finally get a hold of him he tells me that he had stopped taking his medication and he had a breakdown. He still won't tell me how long he stopped taking them for and I'm not sure if he's being honest that he's still taking them at all. We make up, he comes over the next day, and nothing's right. I can tell he wants nothing to do with me. I end up having a talk with him, he says he's been confused, and he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore. Honestly at this point I had lost understanding and I just built up with confusion and anger and broke down crying. This only got him more anxious, and brought back his feelings and he cried and tried to tell me he still loves me and that he just needed to think. Once again, he calls me that night, apologizes, says he's going to prove to me that he still wants to be with me, we're okay, but I still have a terrible gut feeling that something's still not right, and kept crying uncontrollably when I was alone because of it. The few days after that, he tried to talk to me normally, but I couldn't shake that feeling, and I kept trying to discuss it with him. He always reassured me, but it still wasn't right. Saturday I woke up to a long message that pretty much came down to: he's confused, and he broke up with me. Like I said in the beginning, he has called me the passed couple of days. At first I thought it was all me that he was so frustrated about, that he had just lost feelings for me, although he was still calling and trying to avoid saying meaningful things. But last night we talked for hours, and I think maybe 4 or 5 times in that time he just lashed out in this scary tone of voice, calling me a c*unt, a bitch, a w*hore, or any combination of the 3 over and over again. At first I thought he was just joking around, which either way isn't his type of personality. But after the second time I tried talking about it with him, he'd just sigh, and go back to normal. I also realized that he's GENERALLY indecisive, confused, and moody about everything he was saying/doing, not just me. He was switching between total sweetheart, generally uninterested, down and depressed, and verbally abusive every 10 minutes. I tried to talk to him about it, I tried to talk about his medication, I tried to talk about his life. He just won't give me sincere answers. He has a lot of friends, which I would usually expect to help him. But he's so concerned with making them happy that he won't talk to any of them about it, or show his emotions in front of them, which has to be stressful in itself to be keeping your friends happy all the time. I also don't feel comfortable counting on them with help anyway since apparently they wanted him to break up with me so they could have their "perverted flirty friend back." I want to help him, but I'm not entirely sure how since I don't think he really sees me as a "friend figure," and he obviously isn't willing to open up or admit to anything as of right now. I've never had this problem, so I'm not really sure how to get him to do that without irritating him, or even if I should call him, since that's probably not appropriate after he broke up with me. But if he doesn't call ME, then I'm going to have to worry. I'm only 16, he's 18, still in high school and with his parents, but he's not too fond of his mom or dad, so I don't know if contacting them would make things worse. Plus it's pretty careless of his parents not to keep track of what he's doing with his medication in the first place, so I don't know if they can be trusted to help either. I tried to ask my friends and family what to do, they're all just peeved that he broke up with me and say "he's fucked up, there's nothing you can do about it." It's cool to have such caring and understanding people in my life. It seems to be getting worse. I just want to get to the bottom of this before something bad happens, or he hurts someone or himself.
  2. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    you really need to leave him because he might hurt you... it's not worth it and since he is unstable right now i think it's important that you let him simmer and fix himself and then maybe come back to him.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I think you should leave him.. Your young and have a full life ahead of you.. You don't need his mood swings.. They are only going to make you depressed about yourself..If you decide to stay with him then tell him not to call you until he is stable on his meds again..You deserve so much better...If he starts getting violent then leave him for sure... No man has the right to harm a woman..Keep posting so we know how you are doing...Take care!!!
  4. TaraB3ar

    TaraB3ar Well-Known Member

    Things cant stay the way they are. you either need to walk away and let him handle himself, or if you cant do that then you need to tell someone who will help him (maybe his parents or a counselor). You cant take this all on by yourself. He's lucky to have someone like you who cares about him, but it sounds like he needs some real help. From a psychiatrist or something. A friend of mine was dating a guy like him for a long time, and every single time they fought he would threaten to kill himself and tell her that if he died it would be her fault. She finally had the courage to leave him and since she did he got a lot better. It was the wake up call that he needed to realize he needed help. I hope the same will work in your situation. Good luck to you and him.
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