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I need a long break from my family.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ThePhantomLady, Nov 18, 2015.

  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am suffering from emotional stress... so much has become way too much for me to handle.

    I even got sick from the stress, but when you're not working you're apparently not 'allowed' to use the word.

    I am stressed about a bad economy, my failing health; unsure future, no money, the state talking about cutting benefits when I am not even getting by already...
    my LDR boyfriend suffers from PTSD and brain damage and still struggles getting over some of the stuff about his ex (not her, but it's about him missing her kids)... I am his rock... I'm trying at least! I pretty much forced him to get into therapy and talk to his brother about his issues so he wasn't alone... he might need brain surgery again sometime...
    my mum's aunt has a failing health...
    I'm struggling with grieving over my own childhood; growing up with an abusive mum who never let me feel that I was loved, and an unknown father who chose to abandon his 'mistake'.
    My best friend is having some issues with her boyfriend... she's mentally ill but she's been doing so well since she met him and that has been a big relief to me...
    Christmas is coming up... and I know I'll get even more stressed. I work hard on getting everything perfect and my OCD sets in... I'm somehow convinced that if I run around like a headless chicken working for 4 people my mum won't get stressed so we'll end in another fight. My aunt is lazy, but able to help... my mum's aunt wants to help but she shouldn't stay on her feet too long... and I end up drowning internally because I feel like I'm doing everything on my own.

    This year mum told me she's going to make my aunt prepare the roast duck. I am already seeing what a disaster it will be, even convincing her to do it... and I know come Christmas she will have hurt herself or something.. and mum will lose it. And take it out on me...

    My family just continue to pile stuff onto me... I have tried to tell them I'm not feeling well... but talking emotions with them is just not easy. I am the one they call when people I barely even know have been fired from their jobs or they have to vent about how horrible the world is... or asking if I've found a job yet?? It's never really just to actually care how I am or share some good news...
    And I can never call them when I have problems. Once again I'm doing it all alone.

    After last Christmas I ignored my mother for a month.

    I just can't handle any more. I dread every time my phone rings, and I have knots in my tummy every time I'm taking the train to see them.

    My boyfriend suggested that I stayed home for Christmas... but I know I'll be so lonely as well if I do that... and then I'll have to deal with months of my family shaming me for it.
  2. Lula Belle

    Lula Belle Member

    Hello, I am new to this forum as well. I can relate to what you described here. I am living back my family right now & it constantly triggers my suicidal thinking. It sounds like your OCD is triggered by your family. I also get symptoms of OCD triggered by contact w/ my family.

    I believe that sometimes we must do what will allow us to have some peace & perhaps even some joy. I am on Social Security Disability for mental illness. I am on waiting lists for apartments where I can pay according to my income. As soon as I get a place I will limit my visits w/ my family.

    I agree w/ your bf; your peace of mind is far more important than what your family thinks. If they are going to give you a hard time for making a choice to stay home this year, then so be it. That's on them.

    If they care about you, they should understand. My parents have been downright cruel to me lately. That's on them. I forgive them, so that I can have peace & maybe even joy.

    Peace & Joy to you
    2 people like this.
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I've found the holidays seem to get pretty stressful for a lot of people. But I personally just stopped going to my families holiday gatherings most years. They just triggered me and overwhelmed me too much. Yes I sometimes get lonely on those days but I usually find something else to do. Invite some people over like my neighbors and have my own little dinner at my own place. Or you could even go out and give the homeless some food or such if you know anywhere like that. Just be sure you do so safely. At some point we can make these decisions who we want to have in our lives and when. If they are all pulling you down you need to find a way to gracefully let them know you need your own space and time to yourself.
    2 people like this.