I need a mom, and the mom I have isn't being a mom. I'm tired of being treated the way I am. I'm tired of her tellying me that I'm abusive, cruel, and a bully. I'm tired of her telling me that I have it easy and that this is how normal parents are supposed to act. I'm tired of her blowing up at me every time she I dare to criticize her or argue with her for any reason, and then breaking out the victim routine and claiming it's all my fault for hurting her. I'm tired of her making excuses, just saying that she wasn't feeling well or I shouldn't have been so mean to her. I'm tired of her saying she hates me, calling me names, slapping me, and then lying to me about it later, trying to make me believe that it never happened, or telling me that I'm remembering things wrong. I'm tired of my pain being diminished and compared to hers, and I'm tired of being treated like I only use my illness as an excuse to lie around and be lazy. She does not listen. I've tried and tried and tried to talk to her, but she always turns the blame on me and says that she's done nothing wrong. I want to leave so badly but I can't. If it weren't for dad's insurance, my medical bills would have been over 15k just in the past year. They're also paying for my education. If I do anything to upset them, then I lose it all. No money for food, for medicine and appointments, for a car or a place to live. That's what happened to my big sister. Mom keylogged her and read her emails, cut her off from her friends and called her a *****. She finally broke down and moved out. She was in the street for a while, found a place to live with some druggies who raped her. Mom acted like the whole thing wasn't a big deal at all, and it was all her fault. I can't end up like that. I am so scared. I don't want to commit suicide, but I don't know what else to do. The nightmares I have of my mom and I fighting, the fights we actually have, the fact that my dad can't stand up for me or himself. It's all breaking me down. I have nowhere to go, I'm sick. I'm only 19. I'm waiting to hear back about an MRI to see if I have multiple sclerosis. My body's already given up on me, what do I have to fight for? I'm trying to hold on until I get to college, because maybe things will change then, but I just don't know anymore. I'm so afraid and all I really want is a mom who I can cuddle and talk about my feelings with, a mom who will support me instead of pushing me away. But I don't have one.