Right now, more than ever I really need to speak to my old psychologist, I got along really well with her, and I could definately do with her advice. Its funny, when i was seeing her regularly I didnt think it was helping, but now I realize that talking to her was doing me good, even if it didnt seem constructive at the time. So many thoughts in my pea like brain. My head is a mess right now tbh. I wish i could see into the future, like a year from now, and see everything work out, but all I feel is doubt. If someone could transport me into a new job that payed decent money, a new flat that i felt comfortable and at peace living in, not like my old place that actually made my depression worse. What i need is a comfortable routine, sounds fucking boring, but right now i just want to get all the mechanics of living sorted out so i can concentrate on our relationship. I need to get my health sorted out too, im scared of visiting the docs, scared of what i might get told. Im trying to think positive and tell myself that some good strong exercise and actually eating vegetables for a change might bring my energy back, might make the aches and pains go away, but is there more to it?. I feel fucking lousy atm. Then theres us....im involved with the sweetest, kindest girl you could ever meet. The times when the barriers between us do break down, those are the times that keep me going. She is so considerate and caring. Im so lucky to have her in my life, so why do I spend all my time thinking the worse. I just want someone to tell me everythings going to be okay, even if its a lie, i just want to hear something good for a change. I need to give her the space she needs, the time she needs. I need to work on my own life outside of our relationship as well, if only i had the motivation to do that, without "us" there is no "me". Now i got a damn headache thinking about all this shit over and over again. If there is a god, please let everything work out.