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I need a shoulder to lean on...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by moko, Feb 19, 2013.

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  1. moko

    moko Active Member

    I have been a member here in 2009-2010
    Came sporadically between then and 2012...

    But today, I did the first step to overcome my anxiety disorder and suicidal thoughts: I checked-in at the psych. services at my local health office. I received a prescription for meds, a number to a help hotline and an appointment with a doctor in 10 days...
    I'm also on sick leave from work for an indefinite lenght of time.
    This upsets me because I just came back from vacation on saturday and my dept. is in big shit because a lot of staff is missing already.
    I feel like I'm letting the team down
    But the fact is, my job is probably what is making me have anxiety attacks. I feel underappreciated. I feel like all I do is shit. I feel like I'm worthless and everyone would be better off without me because I think I'm making it harder for my collegues. My collegues give me the cold shoulder. Every day feels like I'm struggling just to get by. I'm so exhausted after work that I go to bed early, and wake up at 3am because I'm already stressing about situations at work that day...
    This morning, I woke up telling my GF that I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I wanted to die. My whole body went nuts, like it wanted to prevent me from going to work. I started dressing untidy, confused, until my GF told me that she's taking me to the CLSC (health center).

    So I'm here now because I need a buddy, or several buddies that can give me some advice and a little cheer up for the long haul...My recovery will be long but I do want to live and be happy...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi moko glad you gf took you to health center hun and you will not be getting some help support for your anxiety. Don't worry about work ok that is up to the management to do You just take care of you Good to see you reaching out for support hun here and in real life hugs
  3. Trying2 BeGood

    Trying2 BeGood New Member

    I'll be one of your buddies...but I don't know if I have any advice.I'll look for your posts. :)
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi Moko
    sometimes it takes these times when things get to this point, to really begin to work on it all. So glad you are working with CLSC now. I hope you will do everything in your power to make sure they give you all possible assistance. Please make sure of it. okay? You deserve that help.

    As far as work is concerned, it is important sometimes to just take care of yourself. You get the cold shoulder there. So let them figure out things on their own. Now is the time for opportunity for you to do really good healing.

    I am here for you. You can message me any time. I am glad you have a gf to be there for you also. But I do understand why you are wanting to come here. And I think its a perfect idea. Good thinking !!! Sending safe :hug: for you.
  5. moko

    moko Active Member

    Thank you for you support.

    I wanted to inform you that I was hospitalised during the weekend because I OD on meds. Although I feel very bad about what happened, I did get some of the help that I needed: I was formally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which explains a lot of the sadness, emptiness and difficulties with relationships and my self-esteem. After my release, I went to a crisis facility to debrief what I had done. I was cleared to leave today. Now, I decided to take a few months away from work in order to get therapy and to figure out what I need to work on to get my life back on tracks.

    thank you for being there for me. It makes me feel like I deserve to live.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Glad you got into hospital hun hope the stay there got you somewhat feeling better Hope they also have supports set up for you now in the community hun so you don't feel so alone in the fight Hugs toyou
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am glad to hear that you are on the road to healing ( a process rather than a destination). And you do deserve to live !!
    Someone I care about very much unwillingly entered into a hosp in the same city as you, for the same reasons as you... overdose. She got the help and medication she needed while there. It made a big difference. Although her stay was longer than a weekend. Please take very good care of yourself. :hug:
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