Okay, I have a problem... I've always had it, but I only just recently came to terms with it.
I'm overly emotional
And I don't mean like, cry-like-an-idiot-over-a-semi-sad-movie. I mean, crying at least twice a day, over nothing. Getting really angry and really jealous and really hurt, over the stupidest things in the world.
My boyfriend; I have been dating him long distance for almost 9 months. I finally formally introduced him to my best friend through MSN about four days ago. They clicked. I know they're only friends, but they clicked. And he started to do tiny little things that he *used* to do for me, with her. For example, we used to do this stupid back-and-forth poke game thing. We would literally text -poke- back and forth for hours, with added details. -pokes your sides, cackles evilly and runs away- <-- things like that, until one of us was declared a winner. He stopped doing that with me, and started with her. Even through Facebook, posting on her wall like seven times, meanwhile he was pretty against wall-posting on my profile.
These little small details, that I know are not harmful. Like, I am subconsciously aware that it's harmless... but I got so jealous and hurt and angry, I freaked out on the both of them, almost broke up with him twice, and then spent an hour crying to my friend, as I read her all the texts he used to send me about how amazing I was.
If something doesn't go my way, I cry, lock myself in my room, listen to music, and draw stupid "emo" pictures. Last night, was a human heart in a cage. A few days ago, I got so mad, I punched a hole into the wall. I am NOT STRONG, but I managed to punch a hole into the wall.
Similarly, if my boyfriend sings me to sleep like he does every once and a while, I'm ecstatic. I am completely and utterly thrilled, so I'll shower him with gifts (Well, not shower, but I've spent quite a bit on him, long distance) and jump up and down like a six year old on a sugar high. I'll talk baby with my mother (squeaky girly voice) tell her I love her, go off to the mall and pick out a million things to buy my mom.
And then I'll walk into a change room, realize I'm fat, and my mood deflates faster than any beach toy being punctured by a nail! Suddenly, I can't even look at a mirror, I'm fighting back tears, and trying to keep up with my mother, who just saw me happy two seconds ago.
It has gotten to a point where I'll shut myself in a bathroom stall at school because I feel the need to cry for a bit in order to keep myself in one piece at school. Every little tiny thing my boyfriend says or does, I memorize, and my emotions are especially influenced by him, because I am entirely *obsessed* with him.
Then my dad might come into my room, and tell me that I'm fat and should lose weight, and I get upset and stop eating completely, for maybe a day... and then I get angry about something or another, and I'm spending so much money on food I can't even successfully consume. Fast foods. Convincing myself that food makes me happy.
And then I'll want to puke it all out, but I don't dare do that, so instead I decide that maybe I just wont eat again for another 24 hours, or I'll just eat vegetables, and then that falls apart instantly.
The night before last night, I couldn't sleep at all. Last night I slept 14 hours... When I do sleep, its either uncomfortable, or full of the most retarded dreams ever, that have a bit of significance, but are so ....abstract and just.. confusing. They leave me shaken when I first wake up, and then I forget them... wake up to my boyfriend's good morning text, smile, text him back.. and then get overly upset when he wont answer me, or he only says Hi back... and I miss the times when he would go out of his way to tell me how much he loves me and why.
I know deep down inside that this is all because of the fact that I've gone downhill for a while... He cares about me, but I know I'm hard to handle.. really hard.
I don't know if I'm given enough insight on my state of mind, but I hope its enough...
Any advice is helpful! And if it's to go see a professional, I'd appreciate it if you could provide a bit of advice on what to do outside of that only because talking my parents into seeing a professional will be a bit difficult since my mom and grandmother are already depressed, and my parents have been struggling with divorce issues for a year, so it would be a burden I have to slowly lay on their shoulders... I need advice on what to do in between now and the moment I can see a psychiatrist.
I don't want to lose my boyfriend or my friends... I'm trying really hard not to... :sad:
I'm overly emotional
And I don't mean like, cry-like-an-idiot-over-a-semi-sad-movie. I mean, crying at least twice a day, over nothing. Getting really angry and really jealous and really hurt, over the stupidest things in the world.
My boyfriend; I have been dating him long distance for almost 9 months. I finally formally introduced him to my best friend through MSN about four days ago. They clicked. I know they're only friends, but they clicked. And he started to do tiny little things that he *used* to do for me, with her. For example, we used to do this stupid back-and-forth poke game thing. We would literally text -poke- back and forth for hours, with added details. -pokes your sides, cackles evilly and runs away- <-- things like that, until one of us was declared a winner. He stopped doing that with me, and started with her. Even through Facebook, posting on her wall like seven times, meanwhile he was pretty against wall-posting on my profile.
These little small details, that I know are not harmful. Like, I am subconsciously aware that it's harmless... but I got so jealous and hurt and angry, I freaked out on the both of them, almost broke up with him twice, and then spent an hour crying to my friend, as I read her all the texts he used to send me about how amazing I was.
If something doesn't go my way, I cry, lock myself in my room, listen to music, and draw stupid "emo" pictures. Last night, was a human heart in a cage. A few days ago, I got so mad, I punched a hole into the wall. I am NOT STRONG, but I managed to punch a hole into the wall.
Similarly, if my boyfriend sings me to sleep like he does every once and a while, I'm ecstatic. I am completely and utterly thrilled, so I'll shower him with gifts (Well, not shower, but I've spent quite a bit on him, long distance) and jump up and down like a six year old on a sugar high. I'll talk baby with my mother (squeaky girly voice) tell her I love her, go off to the mall and pick out a million things to buy my mom.
And then I'll walk into a change room, realize I'm fat, and my mood deflates faster than any beach toy being punctured by a nail! Suddenly, I can't even look at a mirror, I'm fighting back tears, and trying to keep up with my mother, who just saw me happy two seconds ago.
It has gotten to a point where I'll shut myself in a bathroom stall at school because I feel the need to cry for a bit in order to keep myself in one piece at school. Every little tiny thing my boyfriend says or does, I memorize, and my emotions are especially influenced by him, because I am entirely *obsessed* with him.
Then my dad might come into my room, and tell me that I'm fat and should lose weight, and I get upset and stop eating completely, for maybe a day... and then I get angry about something or another, and I'm spending so much money on food I can't even successfully consume. Fast foods. Convincing myself that food makes me happy.
And then I'll want to puke it all out, but I don't dare do that, so instead I decide that maybe I just wont eat again for another 24 hours, or I'll just eat vegetables, and then that falls apart instantly.
The night before last night, I couldn't sleep at all. Last night I slept 14 hours... When I do sleep, its either uncomfortable, or full of the most retarded dreams ever, that have a bit of significance, but are so ....abstract and just.. confusing. They leave me shaken when I first wake up, and then I forget them... wake up to my boyfriend's good morning text, smile, text him back.. and then get overly upset when he wont answer me, or he only says Hi back... and I miss the times when he would go out of his way to tell me how much he loves me and why.
I know deep down inside that this is all because of the fact that I've gone downhill for a while... He cares about me, but I know I'm hard to handle.. really hard.
I don't know if I'm given enough insight on my state of mind, but I hope its enough...
Any advice is helpful! And if it's to go see a professional, I'd appreciate it if you could provide a bit of advice on what to do outside of that only because talking my parents into seeing a professional will be a bit difficult since my mom and grandmother are already depressed, and my parents have been struggling with divorce issues for a year, so it would be a burden I have to slowly lay on their shoulders... I need advice on what to do in between now and the moment I can see a psychiatrist.
I don't want to lose my boyfriend or my friends... I'm trying really hard not to... :sad: