I need advice (sorry if it's in the wrong catagory)

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Sardonia, Jan 13, 2011.

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  1. Sardonia

    Sardonia Well-Known Member

    This may be triggering, just to let you all know...

    Here's the story:

    These few weeks have been harder than most. Attempting to drag myself back to class after a restless winter break, physics being to complicated for me to understand, and taking a huge hit to my self esteem. I went to the store to try something on and I saw my thighs, which I hate, and they looked huge and flabby and scarred. A friend of mine had to force me to eat again.
    My grades are suffering because I can't pull myself together again. I guess it's a stereotypical "straight A student cracking under the pressure" scenario. But, selfishly, I'd like to think that it's not just my fault, that it's not just the present affecting the present. That my past is too. Being sexually harassed by up to 3 people until the day freshman year started, and sometimes still occurring. Being verbally and slightly physically abused (depending on your view). My brother and aunt dealing with depression, helping my mom fight off depression. and trying to hide and deal with my own... Almost nothing making sense in class anymore. Physics is so difficult and English is a joke. I often get headaches, and it's harder and harder to hold back tears that have been building for years. I refuse to touch that which has scarred me, but it's difficult not to remember the comfort it brought to me. I can't tell anyone except my girlfriend, who I swore to secrecy. I don't want to tear my parents marriage apart and I have no proof of any of the harassment. I know I'm a horrible person, but sometimes I wish that I could take someone else's rape from them, so that, maybe, I'd have proof, and I'd finally have the courage to tell someone. Maybe then the flashbacks and the terrors would have more significance and wouldn't seem so small. Maybe then I'd have a reason to cry myself to sleep every night.
    Does anyone know what I can do to stop all this? To avoid the worst decision and overcome this, or fix things, even temporarily? I'd appreciate any answers...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The first step is to talk to someone at the school okay Talk to a councellor there explain what is happening you are overwhelmed and why tell them about the abuse everything okay. Talking to someone will help you get the healing started. Your councellor will then get you connections for help maybe decrease you school load for a bit dropping a few courses so you don't feel overwhelmed. Talk okay do it soon
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 13, 2011
  3. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Your bravery is unbelievable, going through what you have, and then helping others tackle their demons. But there comes a point where you have to realise that it's OK to cry. These things are not your fault - thus any shame you may feel is unjustified and will with time and help fade.

    I guess from your language that you're in the US - I don't know what crisis lines there are - the equivalent of Samaritans over here, but there are organisations out there to help you if you feel unable to confront things with those closest to you.

    Much love, feel free to reply or PM - I'm here for you.

  4. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    You are not a horrible person, far from it, you are brave and caring, and you should have someone care for you too. All this is too much for anyone, let alone a young person. Hope you talk to someone soon and get help.
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