I need a boyfriend. I need someone to hold me and keep me safe and make me happy and make life worth it. i will never be able to find one though, i don't know how. i have no idea. i feel so sick, i can't stop crying. if i had someone to hold/ someone to hold me, i think i would be okay. that's why i really really need one. i need someone to save me. i need someone to care, to really care. i wont ever have one, i don't even know how to keep a friend. i don't know how any sort of relationship works. i need to find someone in this world that i can hug and feel comfortable with it. I try just being really nice to myself, but that never works. I've tried making friends, but i can never keep them. I've made up imaginary friends and boyfriends, they only help a little. I try holding my dog, but she won't even look at me anymore. I've tried distracting myself from the lonliness, I've tried sleeping it away. I don't know what to do, i need to feel better. i need to run away from this evil, but i also need to feel ok first. And besides, even if i had people to be around and care for, there's a part of me that's still too afraid of people to be comfortable with them. I don't know what to do. And i can never tell what others are thinking. I can't tell if they just think of me as an aquaintance, a friend, some random girl that keeps nagging them, the quiet nerd in the back of the class. I can't describe the emptiness. I don't know what to do.