i need guidence

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by exploitd, Oct 7, 2012.

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  1. exploitd

    exploitd Member

    I am 24 year old. Study law major in China. I am not Chinese. My girlfriend and I used to study and live together in China for 3 years, and recently she went back home after graduating earlier. Lately over the phone she is expressing to me that she is no longer in love with me or hasn't been in love for me past year. But there is no breakup. I asked why? what have i done? was there anything i have done in particular? Her response is no no its not you, its me. I cant love you like the way you love me so much. Her messages and calls decreased and she no longer tells me I love you anymore. How can someone do this? For 3 years of living together and saying i love you everyday, how can it stop in just one single day?

    I am feeling depressed and lately dreaming and thinking suicidal thoughts. I even have researched and planned how i would do it. I know what i am doing is wrong. But i can't cope it. I really want to cope and deal with it but i just dont know what to do anymore.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun sorry this has happen to you If she is chinese perhaps it is her family pushing their beliefs on her wanting her to marry into her own nationality Either way hun she has moved away moved on and left you broken hearted. Give yourself some time hun to grieve You have lost a loved one a dream of what would be. If you can hun get some councelling ok get som therapy to help you through this loss hun. Try not to isolate ok get out with friends meet new people hun someone that you can also connect with I know it does not seem possible but things change and you will slowly heal hun. Reach out ok and get some support for you now hugs
  3. exploitd

    exploitd Member

    thank you very much for response. she is from my country. she is such a lovely girl. only one who could confort me. i am in china. never been this much lonely. no support lines here. this was the last place i could find trying to cope with it but i just miss her so much and try to change her mind but i hate the fact that i cant do anything from this far away and it just kills me. what should i do? every time i talk to her she wont let me go or let me know for fact we that we broke up. she is only telling me she doesn't love me anymore. for 3 years she had loved me but in single night it all changed. i cant cope with it. i read all help line guides, depression forums, even looked for live chat. one time we were joking and i said "if i lose u i would rather be dead" her response was dont do such stupid thing, it wont affect me at all, you will just cease to exist. i want to die and this thread is my last chance of coping. I had never thought loving someone so much could hurt you so much.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you hun are not hearing what she is saying She does not love you it is over hun now you have to learn to live with her decision. You have to get some therapy perhaps to help you move forward again It takes time to gireve hun but show her that you are strong and that you can live for YOU hun YOU ok YOu met her what is it that will stop you from meeting another woman who will love you and not leave you. She has made her decision hun don't harm yourself more don't cause you more pain by holding on to someone that does not want a relationship anymore. YOU find someone that does want to love you ok don't waste anymore time on one that has chosen to walk away h ugs
  5. exploitd

    exploitd Member

    thank you total eclipse. SF seems like a perfect place for me to get help from such lovely people like you.

    i wish i could get therapy or depression help. but i live in china and there are no places like that. even if there was the language would be too complex to understand. i am pretty sure i cannot move on from her. But i guess i need to let her go. I will be depressed until i have the courage to let her go.

    but i am actually feeling better by opening up to an complete stranger. I really needed to share i think. I will try my best. and i will make sure coming to this forum daily.
  6. exploitd

    exploitd Member

    but sometimes without knowing I am standing on my balcony on the 10th floor and thinking "Never thought loving someone with all you heart could hurt you back and cause this much pain". I am scared. I am afraid i might do something stupid. I really dont want to. Any tip on how to deal with depression? or loneliness?
  7. ksmith86

    ksmith86 Well-Known Member

    Man I have a lot of experience with this.

    It sounds like she takes you for granted because you treated her so well, and she doesn't want to let go. Hence why she won't break up with you.

    You can get a second shot if you let her go. No matter what she says now, she'll likely freak out and come back. If you're blowing up her phone all the time that won't happen. You have to be legitimately serious about being through with her, and you've gotta end things in the right way. After some time has passed (3 weeks ish) if she hasn't contacted you, you can send her a message "letting her know how things are going, telling her you feel better, saying you hope you can be still be friends after everything" etc. Keep it short-ish. If she agrees to hang out at this point you just pretend she's a brand new girl and you start trying to build attraction + court her all over again. THIS TIME, make sure you leave some mystery ;) Live life for yourself and let HER tag along.

    Realistically it's gonna be a minimum of 3 months before she's completely over you and vice-versa, and even then she'll still have her moments where she looks back wondering if she made the right decision. No matter what she says it's always going to be a grey area for her.

    So there IS still hope, but seriously you have to get into the mindset that you're better than her and you don't need her. You have to legitimately be ready and willing to move on for good. It's not healthy to love and persue a woman who doesn't want to be with you. You'll get yourself into a lot of trouble eventually (like I did), or you'll end up jumping off your balcony. Get strong again! You absolutely have got to start moving on. Get yourself to where, if she comes back, great. If not, whatever, you'll survive.

    As far as the sadness goes... You gotta keep yourself distracted. I know it feels wrong to do that and everything else in the world feels cheap and useless right now, but you've got to learn to start caring about unimportant things again. Talk to other women, watch a lot of comedy central, start working out, focus on improving your life, etc.

    Good luck and hang in there man!
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 7, 2012
  8. exploitd

    exploitd Member

    thank you very much ksmith86, i have been hanging in there with my suicidal thoughts for a week now. things are still like shit if you know what i mean. i try to maintain normal viber and imessage contact with her, but i figured out there is nothing left anymore for her. i am going to say without no doubt i am a good guy. i care for her more than anyone would ever do it. she is always trying to please people who cares less for her but she never realizes that i am the one who really really cares for her. she is a very stubborn and tough person. but for now the only thing that is stopping me from doing what i planned is i promised her that i would find her good job. you see my dad is kinda big shot in my country and quite rich and i sent him my gf's resume which i wrote and he promised to find her the best job she deserves. after all that i just want to disappear with a promise i kept. she has made many many promises before such as even though after i graduate and we will be separated for long distance i would still wait for you.

    i am soo sorry for just rambling on. but the thought of her no longer loves me for no reason is just unbearable. i have never felt like this before and i just cannot take it out of my mind. i am just thinking if i find her good job and just deal with my shit somehow it seems good for me.

    if what i wrote makes no sense i am sorry in advance, i am sitting alone and drinking vodka. somehow i thought it would be better if shared what i thought. btw this forum is amazing. helping me alot. who knows by the time i find her "her dream job" i may feel different.

    yours truly
  9. exploitd

    exploitd Member

    just to make you guys understand. she is such an angel. being with her for 3 years was taste of little bit of heaven. she is harsh sometimes, but still cared for me. i was just a wreck less person before i met her. but after 3 years i was entirely different. she has this sweet innocent smile and such an adorable face. but more importantly, more than anything how she treated me during the 3 years of living together. even if i feel unwanted, even if she doesnt want to be with me i will make her happy before i take such stupid measures.
  10. Drake

    Drake Well-Known Member

    Auch :( am sorry to hear it happens , but remember things happen , nothing you can do 3 year seem a long time .
    But there is nothing more you can do , when she says it is not you , but it is her , then it is simply over .
    If she still want to be friends then you are lucky , but in most cases it simply means it is over .

    These things are hard to deal with , sorry you are still in love , it hurt and will always hurt .
    Infact going so far to say suicidal sorry , you want advice ?

    Simply do things yourself with other friends , find other girl , everytime you keep comparing her with your ex , then you are using her as rebound . then you know it isn't fair , but in the end say it is not her it is you .
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