first of all I must tell that I dont look for a help as a victim. I was never sexually assaulted. well thats what my mind knows. there are some memories from my childhood but maybe I am just confusing different events. anyway my problem isnt something you always hear on forums like this. I was waiting for some other forum to start working again but luckly a friend told me about this forum, cause I can lose patience. so my problem. I hope someone will help me and not get rid of me. I am not a monster, I am not a psycho. I dont know what is wrong with me. my friends says that I am the most sweetest guy on this Planet. but when evil comes, then I am not the same guy anymore. luckly I can control, I can fight back but its too hard. I am affraid that I will do something. I already asked about my problem somewhere else months ago and they told me that its good to open up. I told to my friends and they are helping me. when I told I was scared and I was shaking. its not easy to tell what is wrong with me. but I have true friends. I hope I can find someone to talk to. I hope someone will talk to me like a real councellor on msn. and I have a wish. I really want that a female would talk to me. more adult, like above 18 years. I can easly open up to females, all my close friends are females. and my timezone is +1, so I hope I can talk to someone while I am on a computer in the evening. and I am 19 years old male btw. can I get some help, please? contact me through private message.