I need help and have no where to turn and no one to help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by IHateMe1, Apr 4, 2012.

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  1. IHateMe1

    IHateMe1 Member

    Hi, I have been severely depressed for several months now. I have been thinking of suicide for over a month now. The thoughts are getting worse and the desire a lot stronger. I have a nearly 4 year old son...that is the only reason that I am still here. I have no family support. The mental health "professionals" that I was seeing don't care anymore. I went to an appointment over a week ago where my therapist sat there telling me that feeling this way was my fault. I am Bipolar with Borderline Personality Disorder. She told me that people with these disorders function all of the time. Why was I having such a problem. My case manager was supposed to join us in this particular meeting. Before she could, I told my therapist that I needed to go to the bathroom and left. I don't think that I am hearing voices per say...it is just like there is an ongoing argument in my head. The louder thought told me to leave...so I did. I sent both of them a text trying to explain and said that I was sorry...I haven't heard from either of them in over a week. My prescriber (a Nurse Practitioner) is at a loss of what to do with me as far as medicine is concerned..so in essence, she has given up on me as well. I stopped taking my medicine after that last appointment. It wasn't working any way.
    All that I do is cry or yell at my son. Which isn't fair to him. I don't know what to do...someone please help me.
  2. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    Maybe seeing a new professional cud work? If there's such a opportunity. I think not all of them can be helpful to u. For example, i've seen a psychiatrist and two psychologists, but neither of the psychologists were of any help at all. The psychiatrist was helpful tho, even just in the 'talking' part. Their viewpoints are just so different that the psychologists cudnt understand me at all, neither of them rly knew anything about my problem, nor did they kno how to help me rly. One of them tried to make me 'be satisfied with' the way i am, not to 'fix' what i am, so to say, and i just can't come to terms with it in any way, i dont even think i shud. So, yea, maybe look for help elsewhere?

    Best regards,
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu need medication okay that is the only way to get control of your illness You need to be well for YOU and your son so please if you have to go to hospital and stay awhile until you do find a medication that works for you Don't give up hope yet hun there is help okay but you need to ask for it and accept it hugs
  4. laylou

    laylou Active Member

    Hi. I know EXACTLY how you feel. The only reason
    I am still here is because of my two children and
    sometimes I wonder if I'm doing them any good.
    It is heart breaking when any professional gives up
    on you, that pain that feels like your chest is going
    to explode, the worthlessness and dispair.
    I have found an outreach worker that I've connected with but I find it hard to trust her because she won't
    be around for long enough.
    If you could find someone else maybe they will help
    you survive this difficult time.


  5. IHateMe1

    IHateMe1 Member

    Thanks guys...I feel dead on the inside and just wish that I could make my outside match my inside :(
  6. laylou

    laylou Active Member

    Just know we're here to vent to.
  7. toshi

    toshi Well-Known Member

    hi. i hope you are at least a little better today. I'm thinking about you and your son.
  8. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Glad that journaling is helping you :hug:
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