I was the victim of workplace bullying two years ago. My ‘mentor’ to help me ease into my career decided that she wanted me out of the building, she bullied me personally and told flat out lies to my supervisors, which nearly lead to my dismissal. I was suicidal then: I had a plan and the means, but my roommates figured it out and called our ecclesiastic leaders. While the church leaders didn’t report me or take me to a hospital for my suicidal intentions, they did intervene and keep me safe, after which my church paid for several months of therapy. The church was willing to pay for more, but I terminated the therapy because I started to feel better, and I didn’t want them to spend the money when someone else might have needed it more than me. In the two years since this this incident, while sometimes I’m fine (usually during the summer months), the vast majority of the time I am depressed to the point that it’s debilitating. I hadn’t been suicidal since my crisis two years ago. I’m not going to get into detail, but since Christmas Eve, I’ve been having some really disturbing/serious suicidal ideations. I was having a good week and they disappeared, but today was a terrible day. And they’re back. I’m not going to do anything in the next few days, but I need help. I don’t know where to turn. I can’t tell my family. They’ll just tell me to get over it: they don’t believe that mental health needs any more help than an attitude adjustment. If I go to my church leaders again, I’m afraid they won’t be so kind again as to not report me. I’m afraid to go to a doctor. I know confidentiality laws, blah, blah, blah, but if word ever made it back to my employer I’d be out of a job seeing as I work with vulnerable populations. But I’m scared I might hurt myself if something goes wrong in my life. What do I do? Where do I go? Where do I turn?