I need help and I don't know what to do...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kellzy, Jan 26, 2014.

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  1. kellzy

    kellzy New Member

    I was the victim of workplace bullying two years ago. My ‘mentor’ to help me ease into my career decided that she wanted me out of the building, she bullied me personally and told flat out lies to my supervisors, which nearly lead to my dismissal. I was suicidal then: I had a plan and the means, but my roommates figured it out and called our ecclesiastic leaders. While the church leaders didn’t report me or take me to a hospital for my suicidal intentions, they did intervene and keep me safe, after which my church paid for several months of therapy. The church was willing to pay for more, but I terminated the therapy because I started to feel better, and I didn’t want them to spend the money when someone else might have needed it more than me.
    In the two years since this this incident, while sometimes I’m fine (usually during the summer months), the vast majority of the time I am depressed to the point that it’s debilitating. I hadn’t been suicidal since my crisis two years ago. I’m not going to get into detail, but since Christmas Eve, I’ve been having some really disturbing/serious suicidal ideations. I was having a good week and they disappeared, but today was a terrible day. And they’re back. I’m not going to do anything in the next few days, but I need help. I don’t know where to turn. I can’t tell my family. They’ll just tell me to get over it: they don’t believe that mental health needs any more help than an attitude adjustment. If I go to my church leaders again, I’m afraid they won’t be so kind again as to not report me. I’m afraid to go to a doctor. I know confidentiality laws, blah, blah, blah, but if word ever made it back to my employer I’d be out of a job seeing as I work with vulnerable populations. But I’m scared I might hurt myself if something goes wrong in my life. What do I do? Where do I go? Where do I turn?
     
  2. yoyo

    yoyo Well-Known Member

    I could tell you what I would do but that wouldnt help, sorry :(
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You can call your local suicide crisis line. It's a good place to call when you need a distraction from the thoughts in your head. You do not need to give your name or any other information. They can give you information about other resources. Another thing that can be quite helpful is finding a support group. Again, you can attend and not need to give your name or even contribute until you feel comfortable enough to want to do so.
    The nice thing about group support is that you are sitting among others with the exact same feelings and thoughts as you are struggling with. Some have worked through their issues so they can offer honest life experience and helpful advice. There are others that may be where you find yourself. But there is some comfort in being in a room with others that understand what you are struggling with, because they have the same issues.
    Hope this helps a bit.
     
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You need to go see a Dr -if word ever got back to your employer then you would not need to worry about work after the lawsuit. Since mental health is the number one treated illness and mental health meds are 3 of the 10 best selling meds in the US the belief that most people do not know or understand is way off base. You know for a fact that therapy helped you before- go to a Dr and get back into therapy again.
     
  5. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    agree with contacting support groups. plenty to try before the doc.

    the church wont turn you away either im sure.
     
  6. Cardholic

    Cardholic Member

    Hugs!!!
     
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