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I need help before he decides to come back.

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Aurelia

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#1
My husband is a manipulative, abusive narcissist/sociopath. He's kept threatening to leave me numerous times throughout the months, and me being the scared little girl that I am, and deathly afraid of being alone, I kept trying to stop him.

But no more. I want him to just stay out and get out of my life already. I've realized that I'm better off that way.

But he keeps playing fucking games -- threatening suicide, telling me he'll be back, telling me he'll be dead by the end of the day, that he's going to hurt my family, etc. He's leaving this morning, but says he's coming back later. I don't want him back. He told me, though, that if I have someone try to stop him from coming in, he's going to do something insane. I'm afraid of him and what he's capable of. And trust me, he's capable of a lot of very fucked up things.

If only I had a friend's house to stay at with the dog for a bit, I'd do that. But I don't. He's going to come back here and I'm going to end up having to let him in. I can't involve cops...I'm afraid to. Afraid they won't do anything helpful, and afraid of his retaliation of the fact that I even tried.

I don't know what to do to keep him away from me for good. I just want a chance to start my life over without his abuse and mind games.
 

Lux

bad with/by nature
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#3
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I know you don't want to, but I think you will have to get the cops involved, and as for your family and work, I think you should let them know too. It might be easier if you write a very objective statement as to what he's done, and what he's said and what he will do based on those things.

People like this thrive on someone being too afraid of doing anything so they can keep getting away with it. I think transparency is key and the more people that know about him, and are keep an eye out for him (and looking out for you at the same time), the less power he has. It's of course easier said than done, but you've been so brave already.

I'm so sorry again that this is happening, and I'm glad you have here as an outlet. Stand your ground, you're much more powerful than he is. People who do this are weak and have nothing.
 

Aurelia

🔶🔸✴ 👑 ✴🔸🔶
#4
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I know you don't want to, but I think you will have to get the cops involved, and as for your family and work, I think you should let them know too. It might be easier if you write a very objective statement as to what he's done, and what he's said and what he will do based on those things
I can't do that because it could put me in danger.
 

BlueGreen

Well-Known Member
#8
Damn, I'm really sorry to hear it's got to this @Aurelia. It's really tricky unless you can just up and go (like to a shelter) but that's not an option. Is your place rented? Do you think you can bear to wait and make a plan to leave? It's really tricky that he knows where you work even so. I'm thinking maybe when the rent is up, you could have another place ready to move out to so even if he knows where you work, you'd have a place where he can't get in. I suppose it's completely out of the question to try and rationalise with him?
 

Auri

🎸🎼Rock Star🎼🎸
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#10
Honestly, I don't like weapons and not sure I could ever defend myself with one, but if you're in such danger, you have yourself, the dog and others to protect (even if you'd say you don't care about others ;) ). Keeping some weapon close wouldn't be luxury.

So I realize that you're afraid to involve the cops. In this situation, you are in the position of the victim, and you have been for way longer than you've been aware of it. I don't know how imminent the danger would be though. Anyway, that doesn't seem like the best idea today anyway.
Urgh, right now only long term solutions come to my mind, but they're not doable in one day... I need to think.

But I agree with BlueGreen, you're a warrior, T. You'll get through this, with us mentally by your side.
 

Ash600

✮☆Meetup star ☆✮
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#11
Looks like enough is enough and you've come to the decision that will be in your best interests. So whatever your idea is, I hope so to that it'll work and you'll get him out of your life, T.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#12
You're in the Philly area right? I was trying to see what resources there are and found a domestic violence hotline. You might call to see if there's anything that can help. Sometimes women's shelters will take pets. 1-866-723-3014
 

Aurelia

🔶🔸✴ 👑 ✴🔸🔶
#13
I'm probably better off trying to figure this thing out on my own. I should have realized people didn't really know enough about my situation to be able to suggest anything. So just disregard my original post. I'm trying to make something work here, as safely as I possibly can.
 

Auri

🎸🎼Rock Star🎼🎸
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#14
I'm probably better off trying to figure this thing out on my own. I should have realized people didn't really know enough about my situation to be able to suggest anything. So just disregard my original post. I'm trying to make something work here, as safely as I possibly can.
Hey, even without knowing the details, sometimes an idea can help, we are glad you told us. Also, we're here to support you, you're not alone in this. ♡
We mostly want you safe, T. So tell us if things work out, ok? ♡
 

Aurelia

🔶🔸✴ 👑 ✴🔸🔶
#15
Doesn't seem like there's anything "working out" in this situation. My options are: be abused or be alone. And even then, I can't choose the latter without all sorts of complications, as if it wasn't shitty enough all by itself. Sigh. But it's okay, I know what you meant, and I will keep you guys updated.

I just feel so fucking alone at the moment.
 

Auri

🎸🎼Rock Star🎼🎸
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#16
Doesn't seem like there's anything "working out" in this situation. My options are: be abused or be alone. And even then, I can't choose the latter without all sorts of complications, as if it wasn't shitty enough all by itself. Sigh. But it's okay, I know what you meant, and I will keep you guys updated.

I just feel so fucking alone at the moment.
I'm sorry... I wish you were closer. :(
You don't have to be alone forever. It seems like it now, I know it's terrifying, but step by step, things can become better and better. Some big changes are for the best.
 

Sunspots

★☆ Every Kind of Awesome ☆★
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#17
I'm sorry you're facing all this T. I don't have any suggestions that I'd actually be able to follow through with myself.

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.
 

Witty✯Sarcasm

Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen
SF Supporter
#18
Damn, I wish we lived closer, because I would definitely let you stay with me. But I'm thinking about moving very soon, so if I find a place to stay, you're always welcome.
 
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