I need help but from who?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wasupg, Jan 3, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. wasupg

    wasupg New Member

    I've thought about posting on here for quite a while but i just don't see how i can post my problems on this forum when most probably some people here have far more serious problems than mine. Well i'll give it a shot anyway.

    I have serious trust issues and i like to keep my feelings to myself. I just don't want to put my problems onto other people and i don't want to be judged for what i would say. I just feel like people would look at me in a weird way if they knew what was going on in my head. But in May i started seeing the most amazing girl who made me feel wanted and eventually i opened up to her about all the bad things in my life. She knew the consequences of me opening up and said that she would always be the person i could come to when i was down. But then i hit a rough patch where my head was really screwed up for 3 weeks cos my father got remarried. The long and short of it is that when the shit hit the fan... she ran.

    I'm now left all alone missing the one person i though i would be with for the rest of my life. I feel like a piece of me has died as she was my whole universe. She always said she wanted to be my universe and when i let her into my life that is exactly what she was. I guess all my pain comes from having my heart broken into a million pieces but i have always been quite unstable and thought about suicide before cos of my childhood.

    I just don't know who to turn to now... i'm so desperate to not feel this way but i can't help it. I'm on antidepressants but they just aren't working. I don't want to die but i don't want to go through this pain either cos it is becoming unbearable. The pain in my life far out weighs the happiness and i know ending my life will make this all go away. I never thought someone could hurt me so much... and if i am weak and selfish for killing myself then that is what i am. No one can remove my pain except her and i can't have my childhood back so i always will have this pain. It is comforting to know however that i am not alone and i know other people are hurting in the way that i am. I have a bottle of JD and an array of medication in front of me and while this all does look very tempting now i do want to live another day as i want to see her face for one last time... i need to say goodbye.
     
  2. bombeni

    bombeni Guest

    You sound fairly young, and reading your story reminded me of my teens. I am 49 years old now, but when I was a teen and was in love, it did seem the whole world fell apart when the feelings were not returned. No one could tell me then that I would meet others, and become more mature in knowing how to form solid love relationships as I got older. But it does happen that way. Teenage love is total bliss, but on the other hand it is sheer torture. There are so many girls out there looking for a boyfriend, you have no idea how many millions of girls out there are looking for a boyfriend. And they aren't all looking for mr perfect body with a great car either. Just someone to love them and that they can love back. Don't give up you are way too young.
     
  3. I couldn't have said it better I see a lot of my best friend in you. He has the same issue and I've supported him and urged him to hold on. Wat Bombeni said is the most important thing to understand. Look beyond and explore, u will find many things, I promise...
     
  4. wasupg

    wasupg New Member

    I have had quite a few serious relationships in the past (i'm 24) and yes i have been hurt by them but nothing feels like this... literally the pain is to much... yeah i'm weak whatever... i know i should be stronger and maybe i am a coward for wanting to end it but i just feel like i have come to the end. My life is a mess and she was the one thing keeping me going... the only reason to get up in the mornings was her... and how would i ever let another girl into my life now... it hurts too much to be left so i'm supposed to live a life of loneliness?? My trust issues were pretty bad before but this has just taken it to another level. Damn my head is such a mess... i have so many conflicting thoughts going on which just adds to the confusion. What do u guys do to make u feel happier?
     
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Firstly, please discuss with your MD the fact that the medication is not effective...there are so many truly effective medications, many of which do not take that long to work...Secondly, if you have loved that deeply, you can love again...when a romantic relationship falls apart, it is a very deep wound, especially since you had been able to trust beyond the boundary you thought you could...this is a rehearsal for the next relationship, one which will be as trusting and caring...once you have grieved this loss, please open your heart again so that all the good things you shared with this person will be there for you...best regards, Jackie
     
  6. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Hey, im going through a very similar thing to what u r at the moment! it like my whole world has crumbled either side of me and i cant get free unless my ex boyfriend reaches out and grabs me...so i guess what im getting at is ur not alone! Millions of people get divorced, millions have people have their hearts broken and guess what....they get through it! i kno at the moment it seems like there is nothing without her but i promse u there is. there is someone out there who is perfect for u and who u can b totally honest wit and never think twice about it! Be patient, live one day at a time, and in time u (and hopefully me too) will get better and realise that there is a just as happy, if not happier life either on ur own or with someone else. All the best!
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.