I've thought about posting on here for quite a while but i just don't see how i can post my problems on this forum when most probably some people here have far more serious problems than mine. Well i'll give it a shot anyway. I have serious trust issues and i like to keep my feelings to myself. I just don't want to put my problems onto other people and i don't want to be judged for what i would say. I just feel like people would look at me in a weird way if they knew what was going on in my head. But in May i started seeing the most amazing girl who made me feel wanted and eventually i opened up to her about all the bad things in my life. She knew the consequences of me opening up and said that she would always be the person i could come to when i was down. But then i hit a rough patch where my head was really screwed up for 3 weeks cos my father got remarried. The long and short of it is that when the shit hit the fan... she ran. I'm now left all alone missing the one person i though i would be with for the rest of my life. I feel like a piece of me has died as she was my whole universe. She always said she wanted to be my universe and when i let her into my life that is exactly what she was. I guess all my pain comes from having my heart broken into a million pieces but i have always been quite unstable and thought about suicide before cos of my childhood. I just don't know who to turn to now... i'm so desperate to not feel this way but i can't help it. I'm on antidepressants but they just aren't working. I don't want to die but i don't want to go through this pain either cos it is becoming unbearable. The pain in my life far out weighs the happiness and i know ending my life will make this all go away. I never thought someone could hurt me so much... and if i am weak and selfish for killing myself then that is what i am. No one can remove my pain except her and i can't have my childhood back so i always will have this pain. It is comforting to know however that i am not alone and i know other people are hurting in the way that i am. I have a bottle of JD and an array of medication in front of me and while this all does look very tempting now i do want to live another day as i want to see her face for one last time... i need to say goodbye.