I need help coping

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Lenora26, Nov 5, 2009.

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  1. Lenora26

    Lenora26 New Member

    I am a 62 year old grandmother. I have one son and one grandson, who just turned 16. This may not seem like a crisis to some, but I am having an extremely difficult time coping with this. My grandson has come to our house for every other weekend since he was 10 years old. He is now a sophomore in high school and I have noticed lately that he is making excuses to not come. He has school band commitments, sick, someone's birthday party, etc. We had to go to court just to be able to see him on the weekends and up until now, he has always wanted to come. In fact, his mother would punish him by not allowing him to come see us and his father when he misbehaved because this was what he wanted more than anything. Now, suddenly, he is involved with his friends, his drums, and doesn't have time for us. He has also lost about 75 lbs over the past year. His mother has had him to the dr, but said that he just needs to eat better. He is 6' tall and weighs 135. He is literally skin and bones. I'm worried about him not eating and I am just heartsick that he no longer wants to see us. We have made him our entire life, given him anything he wanted and surrounded him with love and now we are just out. I need other grandparent's and even teenager's imput. What did I do wrong and how can I fix it so I can see my grandson again? HELP ME. Thank you.
     
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    It doesn't sound like you have done anything wrong, sounds like he is just being a typical teenager and no longer has time for his family. Which is quite sad and unfortunate, I was the same at that age, I got to about 14 and it was no longer 'cool' to see family.
    But him losing weight and what not sounds worrying - it could be drugs, it could be an eating disorder, it could be anything... and of course, until you sit down with him and talk to him or even see him you are never going to truly know what is wrong.

    I know it sounds bad but you could have him followed, to see if he is up to anything or doing anything untoward?
     
  3. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Also just wanted to ask, what does his father say about all of this? And is your son still with the boys mother?
     
  4. Lenora26

    Lenora26 New Member

    My son and his mother are divorced, she has re-married and has two other children. My grandson is the oldest, the other two are girls ages 12 and 8. We have had problems with his mother not wanting him to come to see his father, who lives with us. We had to go to court to modify visitation rights. Child support is paid promptly every month. My son is very hurt by his son's lack of interest anymore. He was like me, waited to see him every other weekend. Since he has lost all of the weight, I have spoken with his mother and his step father about him and they basically say the same thing -- he is a teenager and just interested in his friends and in his drums. We go to every band concert we can and every exhibition that he plays in. We have bought drums for him. I thought it would foster his interest in music and be good for him. He is a good student, goes to church on Sunday and I don't believe he is into drugs at all. They live in a rural and very close knit community and his mother is a registered nurse. He has been to the dr. about the weight loss and he said he just needed to eat more. He is good friends with another teenager, who is teaching him to play drums, and this kid is also bone thin. He once told me that "all drummers are very thin." I guess he wants to be a drummer so bad that he is starving himself, but I think it might be anorexia. I'm worried about his weight loss. I worried about my son not seeing his son. The last time he was to come to our house was for his birthday celebration. I had made him a cake in the shape of a drum with a paper plate painted like a cymbal suspended over the top of it. We were going to a special restaurant for his birthday dinner. He called late the night before and said he wasn't feeling well and was not coming. I'm just hurt about all of this. I have suffered depression on and off all my life and this is just about to send me over the edge.

    Thank you for your reply and your concern. It helps to talk and hear what others have to day.
     
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