I need help, ex killed himself today

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Emmam, Dec 18, 2009.

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  1. Emmam

    Emmam Member

    i dont know what to do right now. this morning i got a suicide letter from him on my email and i havent been able to reach him all day. He is living in another country, i really dont know what the fuck im supposed to do right now. If he is dead i cant live with myself because its all my fault. i cant live feeling so guilty
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    You can't blame yourself for someone elses actions. When someone dies it is really easy to turn it all around and somehow put yourself to blame or something to feel guilty over. It's part of the greiving process. I'm really sorry for your loss, I can't begin to imagine the pain you're feeling right now but please, if you're to get any comfort from anyones words at this time then please believe me when I saw you're NOT to blame. Here if you'd like to talk more. :hug:
  3. Emmam

    Emmam Member

    I dont even know if he is dead, he is doing stupid things like this to get me back all the time but not to this extent. and yes it is my fault. he sent me like 10 sms last night and i just deleted them without reading, i didnt answer his phone calls. ive been horrible the last couple of months because i was tired of his shit and wanted him to leave me alone. its a really long story and he was an abusive bf. if he is gone i never forgive myself. my life will be ruined, i dont know what else to do but to kill myself, there is no other way out
  4. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    He was abusive, it's understandable that you ignored him.
    I'd do the exact same, and what you did was not wrong. What he did was cheap, to get you back in this way, after he was being abusive himself? Don't put all the blame on yourself you did it for your own safety.
  5. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Hello Emmam,
    I can certainly relate to some of the things you're saying. An ex-boyfriend of mine was having suicidal ideas and decided to disappear off the face of the earth leaving me rather worried before after I treated him rather badly for a few months due to some of the bad things he had thrown my way. He also lives in another country, which makes it all the more harder and worrysome when you think something may have happened to them, so I can definately understand some of what you may be going through. As hard as it is, try not to jump to conclusions too much, as you don't know what's happened yet. He may just be fooling you around; trying to get back at you as you say, so until you hear for sure, I'd just try and look at this a little more rationally. Don't write him off as passed on just yet, and just see what happens and if he gets into contact with you at any point. People can be suprisingly cruel when they want to be, I was even told by a friend that they had lung cancer, when in actual fact is was a lie just to get back at me for not dating them!!

    Do you have his home phone number that you could maybe ring and check in on him? Maybe you have the contact address for one of his real life friends or maybe a family member like any siblings or other relatives? Just try and do anything you can to get into contact with someone who might know his condition, but try not to assume anything just yet.

    I hope everything is okay, be sure to let us know. :hug:
  6. Emmam

    Emmam Member

    his phone has been turned off for 2 days, i talked to one of his friends and he says his family cant reach him either, they are living in different cities. my ex is living with his friend in anothre city i mean and they dont know the phone number of that friend so they went to the police and everything. he sent the letter to me, his father and his friend and i tried those email adresses and they were fake so maybe he is just trying to hurt me like he always does and its working. my heart is breaking and im crying without stop for 2 days. i hate him so much for this.. how can anyone do this to antoher person
  7. orangejulius

    orangejulius Well-Known Member

    What a cruel and terrible thing to do to someone. It sounds like he's trying his best to hurt you.

    An abusive person is usually the most selfish, because they release their frustrations on other people. Don't blame yourself at all, because he only did this to himself. Definitely don't even consider taking your life, as it will only hurt everyone who knows you. You don't want to do the same thing to your loved ones, right?

    Are you in a relationship now? If so, console in them, or talk with your loved ones or friends. This isn't worth getting hurt over. Please let us know if you need anything. :hugtackles:
  8. Emmam

    Emmam Member

    thank u very much! all of u!

    no im not in a relationship, we only broke up a few months ago. I havent told my family or friends about this because im not sure if its one of his stupid ways to hurt me agian or not... if he really is dead i will never forgive him and i dont know what to do but kill myself as well. i cant live with the guilt. he will then have succeeded in destroying my life.
  9. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Whether he has taken his own life or not, he is being extremely selfish right now and you shouldn't waste your time worrying about him. He could have just turned his phone off and tuned out from the world around him, including his parents & other friends. Just carry on with your life and see what happens. Chances are he's alive and well and relishing the fact that you're running around like a headless chicken worrying over his selfish, self-centered ass. If he really has caused himself harm, then the way he went about contacting you to inform you of it beforehand, was just cruel and horrible. I wouldn't pay any attention to it, myself. You've nothing to feel guilty about, and it's probably the effect he was aiming for anyway.

    Personally, from what you say about him being an abusive boyfriend, I'd say he's just playing some stupid mind games with you so that he can get you under his control again. My ex-boyfriend did something similar; he told me all the right words to keep me sweet but as soon as I got out of hand and too much trouble he'd spout some crap about suicide and how he can't live without me then disappear off the face of the earth for a few days. His phone was off, he wasn't coming online to the usual places I would spot him, etc., etc., but he was absolutely fine in the end. Gave me a bunch of excuses about how his phone lost charge and how his computer wouldn't work; I can't remember all the details, but they like to just torture you and get you back for standing up for yourself. It's like they try to make you dependant upon them and make you realise you can't live without them.

    Just, really. Don't accept the worst until you have proof of it. He's not worth the hassle and worry if he really is just playing games with you.
  10. Emmam

    Emmam Member

    Yea my ex was exactly like that too, he knew just how to control me. As long as I did what he wanted he was good to me but if I didnt agree on something he would get angry and somehow turn it around and put the blame on me until I apologized. All though I did nothing wrong it was always ME apologizing and crying on the phone. He forbid me from going out, seeing my friends, wearing what I want, do what makes me happy. I was so unhappy for the 2 years I was with him. I cant believe it took me so long to realize what an ass he was. Its like when ure with a person like that ure blind, u cant see what he's doing to you. I thought he was the best bf ever, that everything he did was right, that he was helping me to become a better person. But he didnt need to change me, I was already a great girl and gf. He completely turned me into someone Im not. I could finally see this a couple of months ago and broke up with him. Ever since he has been doing these things to get me back. He lost control over me and now he is desperate to get it back.

    This is so typical him and Im so angry. I can never forgive this. I still havent heard anything from him, this is the 3rd day but Im trying to get my mind off it.
  11. Emmam

    Emmam Member

    he did it again, woke me up in the middle of the night texting me he is going to kill himself... i dont know what to do. he is driving me to towards suicide really. what else can i do to run away from him completely.. AGAIN im sitting all alone crying in the middle of the night because of him. as last he just had to hurt me one more time...
  12. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    Please don't let him drive you to something so irreversible. He is absolutely not worth it. Maybe you should look into blocking his number from you completely. He is doing this so he can control your every thought and action. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship and I can sort of relate. He drove me to try to kill myself and to begin self harm...something I can never undo. You must allow yourself to take control and let the guilt fall away from you - you have done NOTHING wrong. His life is his responsibility and choice, you can't let yourself be dragged down by him. Please PM me if you need to talk.
  13. fastredz

    fastredz Member

    maybe a few words from someone on the other end of the line,

    i have just split with my girlfriend and cant take anymore i truly loved her sooo much and i am wanting so badly to end my life,

    please believe me this is not to hurt her at all as i would never want to see her in pain, but the pain inside me is just too much to bear i realise it will hurt her but i wish she could understand,

    what im trying to say is people who do or try to take there own life do in my opinion think of others before there actions

    you say your ex has done similar things before it sounds like another ploy to get back at you and a cruel way at that

    back to the ex i would never want people to blame her for my actions difficult i know you shouldnt feel you are to blame

    i hope this makes some sense
  14. Emmam

    Emmam Member

    Yes I understand u, when ure heartbroken at that moment all u want is to die. But if my ex killed himself because I broke his heart I would DIE of guilt. It would ruin my whole life and I would never be the same again. Even if u wouldnt want ur ex to feel guilty she would for sure, and other people would probably blame her as well even if they KNOW its not her fault. It will always be because of her, if u know what I mean.

    Btw my ex, he was an abusive bf and he has done this 3 times now, I cant take him seriously but at the same time im afraid that he will really do it :( Then my life will be over.
  15. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    forget about him. he doesnt give a damn about you.
  16. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You can get through this. There is so much love here.

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