Sometimes I feel like it's ridiculous for me to even think about committing suicide, or consider that I have depression or anything else. My life really hasn't been that bad, I just feel so empty. I know that that is horrible and all, but I really can't help it. Sometimes I remember being molested, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I am a different person, remember different things, do different things. I think I had DID, but I've never been diagnosed. My family has a history of autoimmune diseases, depression, and alcoholism. So far I've only considered the possibility of one of those: depression. I had really bad cramps a week or two ago, so I laid in a hot bath for a couple hours, and I really truly thought about what would happen if I committed suicide. I almost did it. But, the thing is, I'm too afraid to actually go through with it. I don't want to stop living. I like life, I have family and friends, and college. But I know I need help. I don't want my parents to know if I go on antidepressants, but I'm on their health coverage, so it might show up on the bill. If they knew, they would pull me out of college, and I'd like to think that with a little help I could excel here. Does anyone know how I can get help without them knowing?