I don't know what to do anymore. I wish I could tell someone how I felt. It's like every week suicide comes to mind. A lot of things have happened this year so far. And it just seems to get worse and worse and that nothing is ever going to get better. In January I was barely getting over from the experience of my dad ignoring me and pretending I didn't exist for 4 months. I finally told my mom I was cutting myself again and wanted to give up. I started seeing a therapist and when on meds. In February my favorite aunt killed herself by overdose. In March my friend who I also had a huge crush on started ignorning me. By the end of March I took an overdose. But after 8 hours in the hospital, I was finally able to go home. My parents recommended I take spring quarter off from school to get my mind off things and go to Mexico. I regretted it so much. I missed my home, missed my friends, and missed school. Because I took spring quarter off, I lost my financial aid and also lost my work study. In the beginning of June my parents started fighting and talked about divorce. I felt like I was in the middle and was being pulled by both of them. By the end of June my mom left for a month to Mexico with my grandparents and I had to be there for my dad who drank and cried every night. Beginning of July I started taking summer courses and got back my financial aid and work study back. I really thought things were starting to get better. But it didn't. I couldn't keep up with the fast-paced math class I had. I was failing and had to drop it. I ended up losing my financial aid for the 2008-2009 school year and lost my work study. And now I'm feeling so hopeless. I feel like I'm all alone. I have a lot of bills that were thrown at me. I have to pay $500 to the hospital for the time my parents took me when I took the overdose. They promised to help me and now they say they can't. I have other bills to pay, which my parents also said they'd help me after they told me to take time off from school and work. I feel like everyday is a waste. I hate my life. I hate how I feel. I wish I could end it all. I just want to cry. I think to myself, that if I try to kill myself again, that this time I better be successful because if I'm not, then I'm probably going to end up with another huge hospital bill. I wish I could tell my parents how I feel. I wish I could ask for help. I even vowed that by the end of this year I was going to kill myself. Might as well end my life due to this crappy year. I don't know what to do. Why can't it be easy to ask for help to the people nearest me? I know that they love and care about me. But I don't see killing myself as a selfish act. Shouldn't it be my choice? If I've made up my mind, why can't I go ahead and do it? I need help.