I need help, PLEASE HELP ME (trigger warning)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by malack, Jul 11, 2010.

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  1. malack

    malack Active Member

    Its been so long since I've been on this forum. I wanted to help myself. I didn't see anything good coming out of this.

    I ended up in a mental home for severe depression and self-harm problems.

    I was released, and I have a deal that I CAN NOT self harm or I will be sent back. I don't want to be sent back. I don't EVER want to be sent back. It was horrible. I never want to go.

    But now, now crisis has emerged. I haven't self-harmed in months, but I've wanted to. I've wanted to so badly but I haven't. The desire to stay out of that horrible place override the incredible urge to cut.

    But now. Now I can't do it.

    Now the only person who has ever been able to calm me down has driven me to the edge. Now the only thing that I cared about enough to keep myself here has completely lost sight of me. My support system is gone.

    I want to cut. I WANT TO CUT. I CAN'T HELP IT, I CAN'T FIGHT IT.

    But I have to but I CAN'T. I CAN'T. No one's helping me anymore. I gave my trust and I believed in something and that helped me move forward but now my motivation is almost totally gone. I know I can't give in to this, but I can't fight the urge. Someone, please tell me how to fight it. Someone, anyone, PLEASE HELP ME
  2. Frys

    Frys Well-Known Member

    The best way to fight it is different for different people.
    I'm not really an angry cutter so I tend to listen to songs that calm me down/makes me happy.
    If you're feeling angry, I sometimes stab a pillow.
    If you're female and have some restrain, sometimes even shaving your leggs help. If you've got hobbies, maybe one of those could take your mind of cutting long enought for the feeling to pass.

    If you're angry at someone I'd recomend confronting that person. It might be hard, but directing your feelings at the one who hurt you is better than hurting yourself. (verbaly, of course)
  3. malack

    malack Active Member

    I'm not angry. I'm depressed, I'm upset, I'm abandoned. I want to cry and cut and be alone in my sorrow but I know I shouldn't.
  4. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    I hope the feeling has passed but seeing how intense it is I doubt it. If you can't use any of Frys' advice, keep talking. If you don't have anyone else around you to talk to, talk to us. It's all about a distraction.
  5. malack

    malack Active Member

    The Diary entry helped...but still...
  6. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    You still feel like doing something? It certainly doesn't sound like that's a very healthy place to be. If nothing else lay in bed and try to sleep. Do whatever you have to do. Maybe I missed it but are you receiving any outpatient care?
  7. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    I've never really cared much for chat. So I can't say what it's like here. You may find someone to talk there whenever.
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    You have to pull yourself together and help yourself malack. You have to help yourself. Fight the urges with all of the strength that you have.
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