Hey, this is going to be long, but I feel like I need to let this all out and see what people think and I want to know if anyone has been through a similar experience. I've had a really hard year, probably going to be one of the hardest years I've ever experience. I know that my problems and stuff thats going on isn't the worst. I mean, I know there are people with worst problems then mine, and I feel guilty in a way that I have food a house a kind of family. And theres people out there my age who have it a lot worse and I don't want to moan and whine. I want to be happy. First there was a group of friends I had, we were quite popular I guess and they pushed me out of their group for no reason, I didn't fit it any group anymore. My sisters weren't around much, my mum started a rabbit breeding business so she was busy. And my dad had a girlfriend which he was always up round hers. Btw my mum and dad aren't together at all they live in the same house just not together. That's when I got the eating disorder. I think I got it because I felt like I weren't perfect enough for people. Everyone pushed me away. It started out as a diet and just broke down from there. I went to the doctors got sent to Gatland house (child psychology place or whatever you call it) Had to have my weight cheaked weekly and heart pressure checked weekly and stuff. My weight went really low, I starved myself daily and all that kind of stuff. About Christmas time I realised I had a problem and got better. When you have a eating disorder one of the worst things I found was watching you weight come back and clothes starting to get tight. It was hard. But I thought through it. Though I still can't eat or drink in public. Then I stopped going to school. I can't really put into words why, but I did. It was a fear, the worst fear I felt. I hated it, it scared me so much and I couldn't even explain to people why. I realised that I have social anixety and other problems that I can't quite explain. My family broke down, we have to go for family sessions. Me and my mum were the worst. We became the most depressed. Me and my mum had arguments regularly, she didn't like the person I became. She took down a photo frame we did for her because she found it hard that I weren't the same person. I changed I wasn't happy anymore. Just depressed, lost, confused and angry. I was very suicidal, I thought about killing myself a lot. And once I tried to. I took a overdose and it made my family matters worse. Then my attendance at school got really bad, and I had to look at a diffrent special needs help kind of school. Then I started to get back on track. I really didn't want to go to the school. It scared me. So I pulled myself together and I went to school, I tried harder. Me and my family got better, I found a new group of friends are awesome and everyone thinks its pretty much over, I'm kinda back to normal. It's not okay. I know its still there. The depression the anxiety all of it. I afraid that it's going to come back. That it's going to happen again. I still feel alone and unworthy. I'll never be perfect and I think that kills me. I have so much guilt in me. I feel guilty that everyone has to be careful around me, that I still feel this way. That I think about suicide over and over. I still search the internet for things I shouldn't. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to change this. I feel like I'm not good enough. I'm so lost. What do I do?