Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Passion, Apr 7, 2008.

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  1. Passion

    Passion Well-Known Member

    Im freaking out.
    god please help me...someone now...
    I want to cut.
    I need to cut.
    I want the addiction back.
    I dont care how long its been, i dont care how much people say its good i dont anymore.
    No one really cares or understands how HARD its been to not cut for almost 3 years.
    I cant stop thinking about it.
    its coming back to haunt me.
    I went without thinking about it for a while...
    but now its back.
    its pulling me into its charms.
    and I dont want to stop it.
    I dont.
    I want to feel the thin metal sliding across my skin,
    I want to drag it deep and wash the blood poor out.
    I want to worry about people finding out.
    I want to worry about bandaging and taking care of it.
    My life feels pointless now,
    I feel like I need it, I need something to help me.
    my boyfriend isnt helping much, hes trying, he really is.
    but hes saying he will break up with me if I do.
    And that doesnt exactly help.
    that just makes me want to do it more.
    I dont know why.

    I need to feel it...I need to feel it...I need to feel it...
    God help me.
    Just for tonight, someone, anyone help me get through this.
    I dont know if I can make it this time.

    And worst of all,
    I feel as if I have no reason to feel this way, I'm one cut away from ruining my life.

  2. Passion

    Passion Well-Known Member

    Someone please tell me you understand.....
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hi passion, sorry to hear that the urges are still so strong.
    i can def. relate to what you describe.

    these few things have helped me:

    1. write down what i am thinking, what i am feeling, and what my scars -- should i cut -- would want to say for themselves. without cutting i allow them to talk, as if i had. not sure that makes sense, but when the scars are allowed to talk they sure have a lot to say

    2. i think about how i would feel the next day. while i might get some relief by cutting i know that i will hate myself afterwards. i asked myself: do i need one more reason to hate myself? no, i have enough already

    3. i think about what i would lose if i cut. in my case, the community nurse will transfer me to anohter nurse. i don't want that. in your case, it might mean losing your boyfriend

    finally, if the urges are really strong i know i can call the helpline or my counsellor.

    hang on

  4. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Hey hun, I know exactly what you mean. I feel exactly the same

    Find something else to do, anything, just keep your mind off it

    PM me if you wanna talk more :hug:
  5. Passion

    Passion Well-Known Member

    Well I still haven't cut, but I really dont know how much longer that is gonna last.
  6. Broken Wings

    Broken Wings Well-Known Member

    Please don't. Please.

    It hurts a lot not to cut... I know that too well!
    But god! It hurts so much worse to do it again, to fail again, to hurt others with it all over again. Please, save yourself that pain, it can only get better from here, right?

    I was in the same boat, but I hope you care fare better than I did. In fact, I know you can, I can feel it in you.

    Good luck.
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