I need help to change

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by OCDNihilism, Aug 27, 2016.

  1. OCDNihilism

    OCDNihilism Well-Known Member

    I've been under a process of self avaluation recently, it has been violent, has involved someone else, just like it did before I really became the wretched men I am, incaple of seeing how I was that, only when things got unbearable.
    Both people surfaced all the horrible things I don't want to be, in a way that I am losing my mind if I don't find someone who was as I am now, that was able to change. I try and try my hardest, I see subtle changes, but they are too subtle, so they are even worse then none, because I am not satisfied with it. I can't go and ask that person for this kind of help, and I hope she understands why. I want peace for her right now, but I wished I could be more close to her in this respects, because I think this is what would help us both so much..

    My problem is that I've just became too hardened, too calloused both in my mind and my heart. I can vary from almost total apathy to shattering pain, for that other person. I feel so horrible when I don't feel as I think I should. Knowing that something isn't right isn't enough, at least not always.

    What I am trying to get to, is to ask for anyone who felt completly detached from humanity and lost their feelings of empathy, for the most part, to let me know how you beat it, if you did. If all you needed was medication or a long process of rehabilitation. I need to know if I can reverse this, as I've not always been like this.

    Take an hint from my nickname also, for anyone who experienced this and knows what I am really refering to. I need to change!
     
    BitterandNumb likes this.
  2. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    You have a unique brain..enjoy it.
     
    SillyOldBear and calvinandhobbs like this.
  3. OCDNihilism

    OCDNihilism Well-Known Member

    Maybe you are right.. Enjoy it :).
     
  4. Cronus

    Cronus Member

    Losing feelings of empathy... I can relate. When I was 17, I had an extreme passion for children and caring for/teaching them. After completing a childcare course I began to work at a childcare center, a very upmarket and expensive one! After experiencing what I experienced there, the poor treatment, the focus on money and the constant gossiping, back stabbing and secrecy between staff, parents, directors and the company itself, I started to lose empathy towards children and the people working there.

    I wanted to die and I wanted certain staff members at the centre to receive what they deserved that were doing nothing but causing suffering to others and the children themselves (A certain abusive staff member told me that they wanted to kill one of the children). Note, that staff member got mental help (this was 4 years ago) and I told the director. I managed to push through until I eventually quit the job and gosh what a relief that was. This isn't even the whole story, I don't want to write about it though as I'm still quite traumatized by it.

    It's taken a while but my empathy towards others is returning as I see more good in people. So my advice which may or may not be possible is to think about what the trigger for the lack of empathy is (is it your work?) and then get yourself away from it completely. You may not ever completely heal, but the longer you are away from whatever it is that has caused you to hate the world, the more you will relax, open up and begin to trust the world again.

    Sorry if I'm way off on this one... But I hope whatever happens next in your life happens for the better and results in your happiness :)
     
    OCDNihilism likes this.
  5. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I can't say that I have lost my empathy to everyone, but I certainly have to some. And I have become extremely cynical. I don't even know if I want to beat that. This world is a really messed up place and it can be difficult to be positive about anything. But my guess is that it will take a while to recover your empathy. You are certainly on the right track. The fact that you miss it, and want to recover it is very positive. It also implies that it is not completely lost. It you truly had no empathy I don't think you would really care that it was gone. Just my thought on that. I have found that it is much easier to care about the furry critters in our world. To want them to be happy and loved and well looked out for. Maybe a good starting point would be to find a pet to love and care about. It does not have to be yours. It could belong to a friend, or be a stray. Successfully building a trusting relationship with a stray can be very rewarding.
     
  6. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    Yeah it can...that's until the stray doesn't show up to your house for a couple weeks,then when walking around your property you find its rotting corpse.
    That's what happened to me a couple weeks ago =/.I was really starting to love that damn cat..cruel cruel world bahahah.
     
  7. OCDNihilism

    OCDNihilism Well-Known Member

    Man, I like your nastyness.. ahaha.
     
  8. OCDNihilism

    OCDNihilism Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the message Sillyoldbear, I will reply when I am feeling better again. I don't want my empathy to reach to all people, for reasons you mention, but I don't feel it as being "normal" for what I was. I think I am on the right path. Many things have been revealed about me in this last week, or so I hope those things are truth. I also have a cat that I really love, I guess.. :). Things might be changing for me, thank you.
     
  9. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    Not "nastyness"just reality sometimes... you have to lighten up about things you can't control or you'll spiral even deeper into negative thoughts.
     
    OCDNihilism likes this.