I've been under a process of self avaluation recently, it has been violent, has involved someone else, just like it did before I really became the wretched men I am, incaple of seeing how I was that, only when things got unbearable. Both people surfaced all the horrible things I don't want to be, in a way that I am losing my mind if I don't find someone who was as I am now, that was able to change. I try and try my hardest, I see subtle changes, but they are too subtle, so they are even worse then none, because I am not satisfied with it. I can't go and ask that person for this kind of help, and I hope she understands why. I want peace for her right now, but I wished I could be more close to her in this respects, because I think this is what would help us both so much.. My problem is that I've just became too hardened, too calloused both in my mind and my heart. I can vary from almost total apathy to shattering pain, for that other person. I feel so horrible when I don't feel as I think I should. Knowing that something isn't right isn't enough, at least not always. What I am trying to get to, is to ask for anyone who felt completly detached from humanity and lost their feelings of empathy, for the most part, to let me know how you beat it, if you did. If all you needed was medication or a long process of rehabilitation. I need to know if I can reverse this, as I've not always been like this. Take an hint from my nickname also, for anyone who experienced this and knows what I am really refering to. I need to change!