I watch a show MSNBC about men in prison.Suddenly there is a feeling of suspicion that my son is being molested/porno/sexual abused by his father.My son suppose to come home last Wed but he called me saying Mom I have tons of homework,I 'll come tomorrow,Thursday he did not come,Friday he did not come. I was cery upset.Tonight I put a lot of things together since I can remember how isolated my son is. As far as I could remember his father took him out from one doctor to another who is supportive of my son,alleging Drs/therapists are biased.I cannot tell you how many pediatricians my son has to be transferred to & daycares when he was small.He prevented me from accessing his medical reports,school ,basically everything.In 2004 my son refuses to go back to his fathers but forced by the police becoz by court order we shared custody.He was very very scared back then,he was hanging on the rails of the stairways when the police came to physically removed him from my house. In my Annulment Decree,there is no allegations of sexual abuse as I have no idea,all in ther is abuse towards me deceit & fraud as the grounds of the Decree of Nullity. as time progresses my son is exhibiting a very different behavior that never dawn on me until tonite. I realized he is in total seclusion/isolation.No one can come to see him esp coming to me unless it is my custodial time,which he still sometimes make up stories that he sick but refuses to bring him to the Drs. He has a severe eczema & asthma & will takes almost 6 mos to get him to the Pedia once it flared up.My son told me that the Dr give him a card to keep in touch with him. My son is very very close to me.Now he is seldom talking , withdrawn,ask him what's going on ; he always answer me good. He won't call me unless he needs to go somewhere else & he makes sure that I do not stay there & will call me when he is ready to pick up.Last year also , we play chess all the time ,he keep on insisting that if he lose, then the punishment he likes is for me to let him wear girls underwear,clothing & paint his nails. He was very very persistant about this & I find this bizzarre.I try to educate him about sexual predators online & he told me he does not want to hear this.His father isolated him from any friends he has. Now he is very extremely compliant.he would even ask me when he goes to the bathroom.compliant,alwys on guard & always seem scared something bad would happen.he complains about stomach aches & father doesn't care to check him to the Dr.Even our closest friend have noticed how my son is very withdrawn,lost of any desire of any activity he use to enjoy.Once a week we go out for breakfast & talk about movies & stuff in school but lately he's been very quiet & I cannot let him talk.His grades are dropping & his father demands unreasonable expectations that is extremely stressful for him.He barely have fun activities.I put all these things together tonight & bang I have this very eerie feeling.My gut feeling is so profound ,I cannot console myself.He is also doesn't wanna be touch or hug anymore while he use to crawl to my bed when he is with me. In the middle of the night I would noticed he is crawled next to me.There is ahistory of porno with my X.He use to tie me in the bed & asked to wear lingerie that is used in SM. I found out his addiction to porno when my son was a baby & crawls all over the house & found all kinds of things & some of them are porno tapes.Very disgusting.I know he is a sick man. My son has also severe asthma attributed to stress,& we use to have an asthma specialist who is very protective of my son too. His father took him out of there & go to another specialist & all his medical providers are instructed that mother has no make any access to my son records without his permission.This new pedia I think got a clue. I will cancel my colonoscopy this week to attend to this issue.Please I need your advice to deal with this. I have to establish the truth,I am not going to the authorities ,they are useless as tits on the bull,been there for 13 years ,I end up relinquishing my custody.If if I find out the truth , I will go to hell 10x if I needed to for the sake of my son.My struggle right now is that my son is avoiding to talk about it.I surf the net & clearly the facts are overwhelming .Once I establish the facts , I need your help to get rid of these animals.Court are part of pedophilia ring,that is out of my list, I will not have a second thought to get rid of thes people ,at this time , a message must be sent out there, we are fighting back. This is not violence,someone got to teach these judges that we mothers have much bigger balls than them. It is my commitment to protect children from harm. I will stay in prison if I have to the rest of my life. I need your guidance..please please please. I cannot sleep .I am shaking all of my body. How stupid I can be not to recognize these signs. He crossed my boundaries & my precious one. My son's safety comes first immaterial what will cost me. This is why I was in that verge again this last few days when I do not see my son.No I will not waste my life without getting even to the people who inflicted so much pain & injustice for my family. If I cannot be here anymore,rest assured I am in prison,I will not plead insanity or anything. I want them to know I am in the right state of mind & I know what I am doing. getting rid of ruthless animals is justified. It is an honor to save childrens lives. I look forward to your suggestions & esp personal experiences......Thanks in advance. It's almost 2am passed my bedtime 10 pm. I am extremely anxious. I will trade tons of my meds for a gun. You name it I have it . Becoz of my conditions I have access to all kinds of meds.The end justifies the means. Criminals are not all bad people, we are forced to the point of breaking the law that is victimizing innocent people. We got to fight back. Women with balls are warriors.