I need help today-ASAP-please help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ilene, Oct 11, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. ilene

    ilene Member

    I really need help. I want to die so bad. I am considering buying a gun. In the state I live in, they just have to do a quick criminal background check--can take 5 minutes to 24 hours. I am in pain. I have been fighting this depression for a long time, but I just feel like I can barely stand to go on for another minute. I know everyone here is hurting, so I don't know if anyone can even help me. I saw my therapist yesterday, she totally ripped me apart. I left feeling worse than ever. I had gone over 3 months without cutting, but finally, last night at about 3am I gave in and did it again. I feel like a piece of crap. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be--going to counseling, taking my meds, but I still feel so horrible. My therapist basically told me that I was wicked and needed to repent for my bad attitude. It was about the last thing I needed to hear. Yes, I'm Christian and I believe in repentance, but I'm feeling pretty far from God right now. I allready know that I suck, I don't need anyone to remind me. I'm sinking in quick sand, and I'm sticking my hand out one last time--hoping and praying that someone can reach out to me. I feel so alone. If I'm as bad as my therapist says, then I can't see any reason to keep on trying. Apparently, I'm a burden on my family, my husband, my kids, my church, my therapist, and probably to anyone who has to read this miserable post. I'm not sure I can justify the space I take up on this planet. The only reason I've held on this long is for my husband and kids, but if I am the horrible person my therpist says, then they would be better off without me. I want help, but I don't know where to turn. My therapist doesn't understand me at all. Everything I say she dismisses as a "cognitive distortion". My psychiatrist, well, he's a typical doctor. Ten minutes and a prescription pad. Either that or the hospital, and I don't want to be in the hospital. They'll just drug me to oblivion and ignore me (speaking from experience). What do I do? Where do I turn? Should I just finally give up? If anyone feels strong today, can you please give me some direction?:blub:
  2. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    ok, I know this feeling. I go through it almost every day. You shoud try, well, just doing something you love. like, I write death poetry, I don't know why it makes me feel better, but it does. You should just try to get through this, and sooner or later you will. i don't know you, but I know that you can get through this.
  3. reborn1961

    reborn1961 Guest

    Psychiatrist in the states are only to make a diagnosis and prescribe medication that corresponds to that diagnosis. Try not to expect too much from that doctor as he/she is doing his/her job.

    Your therapist seems to have odd responses to therapy. Are you seeing a Christian therapist? If so that may not be a good match for you as they are trained to bring religion into the therapy. Perhaps you should try a different therapist before giving up. I was misdiagnosed for 7 years before I finally found help. I am also Christian and I do use a Christian therapist but mine does not judge me, she guides me to find resolution to problems and teaches me positive coping skills.

    You are not a burden to anyone. Humans are all different, some good, some bad, some ignorant, some judgemental. Thats life. So you need to take action and switch therapists until you find the right personality that works for you. Just remember that most mental health problems are often treated with ignorance vs compassion as physical illness you can see and mental illness is still a "guess" to most doctors. The key is you are the consumer that is ill thus you have to shop to find a solution that is positive and productive. And of course the old saying works in medicine too..........buyer beware.

    Keep trying. Good luck.
  4. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    oh ilene,

    i can so relate to what you are saying. i was in the hospital in the middle of august because i was hearing voices and wanted to end it all convinced they would never stop. i suffer from dissociative disorder which makes it nearly, so very nearly, impossible to speak. while i was in there and meeting with my therapist that day i developed the inablility to speak. so what did my therapist tell me? he told me to stop acting like a three year old and he also clued me in that i was developing a bad reputation around there. needless to say, or maybe it is, but this sent me right over the edge. i've tried so hard to be honest and talk through things like you're suppose to but then i hear this. well, that day i left on my hour pass with the intentions of never returning. i went to get a hotel room to end things once and for all. as it turned out every hotel and motel was booked solid within twenty miles of where i was. i was feeling more discouraged and confused. i was in a taxi so obviously i couldn't state what was on my mind so i ended up coming back to my house and never committed the act. it's almost the middle of oct now and i find i am still trying to recover from this situation. i am out of the hospital now which is good, but my intentions are never to go back based on that experience. i say all this because i know it hurts and it hurts bad when someone in a position of trust slams on you and puts u down. my personal opinion it's time to find a different therapist. i don't know u but my feelings about people in general are that no one deserves to go through that. I most certainly believe with all my heart that you don't deserve that. not only that but that therapist in my opinion is running by their emotions which they are not suppose to do. maybe they are frustrated i don't know and i don't care. it's not for them to act out on it. they do not seem like a wise individual to say the least. maybe this therapist was good for a time, but i would encourage you to take some of this energy that u want to use on ending things and try to point it in the direction of finding a good therapist. finding one that cares, not judges, and is willing to stick it out with you and help you through this. they are not easy to find i know but not all therapists are not like the one you've had. in fact there are very few of them.

    your kids and your husband all want you around. i grew up without the presense of parents and i know how hard it is in the world without them. i know it's hard especially to parent when you are feeling so low. i know and i am a single parent. maybe i could encourage you to take a little one or two day get away and just relax and do nothing but rest. they can handle that idea alot easier than they will with your permanent absense. it probably feels really hard the responsibility that goes along with that maybe it's suppose to. i don't know. but before you act out to hastily on this try and take a day or two and get away and try to put some pieces back together and make up a new game plan. it's worth a shot, at least i think. if you want to talk more i'll be around off and on usually. i really am hoping for the best for u in this situation and believe that things can change for the better here. it just might take a little bit of time. oh btw my first act on all this would be to call that therapist and tell them to kiss my butt and i don't want anything to do with your negative old self. i think you will find u'll feel alot alot better if u do. anyways i'm gonna go i'm sure i've chatted your ear off enough here. take care please and look for a new therapist. maybe we can work on this together
  5. kcinva

    kcinva Active Member

    Your therapist needs his or hers ass kicked. Get a new therapist. Anyone that would tell you things like that has no business giving anyone advice. I think your "therapist" needs help much more than you do. You are NOT evil or a "sinner" or any other bullshit like that...do NOT let such garbage be beat in to you!
    Your are a human being and deserve the right to be happy and free from guilt. I am so SICK of people telling others to "repent". Everybody makes mistakes and the ones who dont admit it are the ones that are sick and perverted. YOU are Gods creation....whatever you have done is not a "sin" towards God. People can NOT offend God..."sin" is a stumbling block against yourself or someone else...
    God is about Forgiveness and NO ONE should try to hang a guilt trip on you...you have much to offer people and deserve to be happy...
  6. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Well, M beat me....she's said about everything I could say. But I beleive it's all true.

    Remember if you need anyone I'm here. :) :hug:

    Try and stay safe sweetie,

    ------ :hug: :hug: :hug: -----
  7. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    kcinva is completely right, your NOT evil, your not a sinner, and you don't need someone telling you things like that. it will just make things worse. If I could I would beat the living shit outta your therapist.because its obivious that they aren't trying to help you! they just want money or something.

    And kcinva is also right when they say that you deserve to be happy. everyone does.:smile:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.