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I need help with my boyfriend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Nicki, Dec 18, 2008.

  1. Nicki

    Nicki Active Member

    We have been together for almost two year now..Before we was together he went to Thailand and ended up paying for sex with a Thai bar girl...He told me that she was horrible and fax=t and hated every second of it...But deep downi knew that he wasnt being 100% with me,,,I have spent a lifetime with people hurting me including both my parents...I really thought i had found someone different this time,,but on Sunday he came home from work early to tell me that he had lied to me and that the thai bar girls was slim,,,its not the fact that he has had a past we all do it the fact that he lied when i'm so fragile....I was 11stone before all this illnes kicked in and now i weight almost 13..when i got upset about my weight he told me that yes i have put weight on since being on my tablets..I have to say that he wasn't nasty when he said it .....But this problem has really send me over the edge i cant cope or eat as i'm scared of putting on weight.. I have now gone to eating one meal a day and only eating half that to lose weight...

    I really love my boyfriend,,but i cant get this out of my mind i feel like i'm not believing anything hes telling anymore...

    I want to make this work but dont know how? or have i just given up on us?
  2. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    sorry you are so sad, wish i could help you but ive never touched a woman so im not any kind of expert.
  3. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    I want to be careful here because I only want to help by what I'm going to say. So I just want you to know that before I say this.

    So here it is. As a man myself I can tell you that if he was any kind of man worth having, there's no way he would have cheated on you. This guy is not worth your time or your grief. He cheated once and in so doing, was basically saying that he's either incapable of being faithful or knowing the true meaning of love or commitment or he's simply too immature and ignorant. He may learn these things in the future but don't count on it.

    If you want to try and make it work, you will have to be willing to accept that he will most likely do it again and again and again.

    My advice to you would be to find someone who cares about you and values you more than this guy. They're out there. The bad news is they're kind of rare. The good news is most of the time, they're single and very available.
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Unless he has some sort of special condition (like sex addiction or something like that) then I guess this means he knew exactly what he was doing. It's soo easy to paint things black or white, if you really want this relationship to work then talk to him and discuss the things that bother you. People can change and they can reform and vice versa.
  5. XXXXX

    XXXXX Antiquities Friend

    I think folk may have misunderstood the word "before" :rolleyes:

    As you rightly say, everyone has a past.

    If I am unsure of what someone wants I usually look at their actions and not simply their words - but sometimes you have to look past both to their intent.

    FWIW I see a fella who told you 2 things he should not have:-

    a) he paid for sex with a Hooker;

    and later

    b) that she was slimmer than you

    ......my first reaction was "dear god: why???!!!", but on reflection I suspect that he is responding to your desire for honesty - sometimes you have to look past someone's words and even actions to consider their intent. In this case he probably meant well, BUT.....he's a bloke :eek:hmy:. We don't do this sort of stuff well :sad::rolleyes:

    FWIW although not directly relevent to your situation, in years past I spent a lot of time in Thailand. Temptation is the reason the Pope has never visited :tongue:....even though not all the Bargirls are slimmer or younger than you (no matter your age or weight - Trust me on this :wink:)......but they do sell a good line in BS :cool: .......and if she really was a slim one a fair chance "she" was a fella :laugh: (with or without bits :blink:).......and if he does have limited experiance in Planet Thailand a good chance he would never know (or admit).......whose laughing now? :laugh:
  6. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Thank you for pointing that out. I don't usually do that but sometimes I miss things. If he did this before they were together, obviously, most of what I said is irrelevant.
  7. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    as said before, everyone has a past so don't worry too much about it, its what happens now while you are together that counts.
  8. Rockster

    Rockster Guest

    I'm in agreeance, the reason he probably brought it up is so that you know him better, and that there can be no shocks later in the relationship, in my opinion, what is past is past...
  9. Drifter

    Drifter Well-Known Member

    I know you love him but you either forgive or forget. If this is always gonna be in the back of your mind it'll be torture. But if you think all you need is some time to get over it then work through it