I Need Help With My Therapist, Please

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ~Nobody~, Apr 24, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Well I wasn't sure where to post this, so The Uncertainty Principle seemed like a sensible choice! If anyone wants to move it, do feel free.

    Basically, I don't feel that my therapy is helping me. I think the focuses are wrong and I just come away feeling frustrated, hopeless, and misunderstood. I don't know whether this is more my fault or my therapist's, but I definitely need some advice.

    I'm very tempted to just say I want to pack it all in. I have many feelings that I am wasting their time, or that at least they feel I am. It isn't helping. And to be honest I am scared to death of talking about the real stuff. The main thing is that I feel so hopeless lately - what's the point?! Nothing's going to make me better, so why not just sit at home being miserable rather than stress myself out with a bus journey, town, the session itself, and so on.

    My therapist is actually a social worker, not a psych, and is NHS-provided, so money isn't an issue here (I'm not paying anything).

    I don't feel we see eye to eye. This is probably my fault. We often spend too long talking about me drinking too much, eating badly (either nothing or everything :rolleyes:), not going out, and so on. As I see it, these issues are symptoms of the real problems, rather than real problems themselves. It's all very well talking about how I should drink less and go out more, but until I am no longer severely depressed and (frankly) crippled by PTSD, I can't really do a thing about it.

    Yesterday, she seriously tried to convince me that I am depressed BECAUSE I am an alcoholic, rather than the other way around.

    I don't feel as though she thinks I'm as bad as I am. I don't think she takes me seriously. I get the impression that I frustrate her. I think this is because she's probably used to seeing kids from very deprived backgrounds, who NEVER had a good relationship with their mother, who are going out every night getting paraletic on drugs and alcohol, puking in hedges, and having unprotected sex with strangers on park benches. In comparison, I seem pretty fucking pathetic. I'm self-destructive, yes, but not like that. I think she wants to just pick me up and shake me and tell me to SNAP OUT OF IT because I'm very intelligent, I have a roof over my head, I'm actually quite lucky. So what if my life has been a long string of nasty crap? I always dealt with it before. GET A GRIP!!

    :dry: Maybe this should actually be in Let It All Out...

    Anyway, I just want advice, from as many people as possible. I was thinking about writing some kind of letter, but I'm really not good at expressing myself lately so I know it'll be hard work. It also might seem attention-seeking and just reinforce how pathetic I'm being. Or it might just be boring as hell. And the biggest worry is that it'd be impossible to word it without seeming ungrateful towards her, even insulting.

    Eurgh, what can I do?

    There's no chance whatsoever of me changing counsellor, so no need to suggest that.

    Please help me. Thank you muchly. :grouphug:

    ~Nobody~ x
  2. willgethere

    willgethere Well-Known Member

    i am sorry things are difficult with your therapist and yeah the easiest answer would be to change, usually that is the most reasonable and likely option.

    Maybe you can write a list of things that you think are the most important issues for you and what you think you would benefit most from discussing and trying to sort out.

    Do you do a dairy of what has happened each ay for you, if you SH what caused it at that time, if you feel suicidal what brought it on and then maybe the therapist may be able to try and where you are coming from.

    Maybe there is omeone ele who knows how things are for you that could go along to one of your sessions and help to make the therapist understand a little more about.

    not sure if any of it helps
    good luck
  3. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Who referred you to this therapist, was it your GP? If it were then I suggest you go see your GP and explain what you have here.
    Your doc is sure to have other options, there will be other members of the team that you will be able to see.
    Even though this is an NHS service you are receiving, that doesn't mean that you can't change therapist.
  4. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    To be honest, with a little bit of careful editing I'd say print out your post and give her that. The most important is that you don't continue as you are, ending up feeling that she isn't helping and feeling frustrated and worse than you did before.
  5. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Hello again.

    Thank for the replies guys :grouphug:.

    Hazel, I was referred by my GP to CAMHS just before I turned 18. They've only kept me on because I can't be passed on to adult services. My mum AND her ex (my abuser :mellow:) both work for the service. It's hard enough with CAMHS because they all know my mum on some level or another. Sue (my therapist/social worker) is really about the only one on the team that doesn't see my mum through work fairly regularly and doesn't have a clue who S____ is. It's a really shitty situation :sad:.

    Shygirl, I agree, I can't go on like this. I don't know how to put it to Sue though... I don't want her to just end up despising me (if she doesn't already).

    willgetthere, I think a lot of the problem is actually my own fault. Sue is the one who brings up self harm, alcohol, etc rather than the important stuff (past abuse), but I probably am far more helpful when she talks about those things than when she tries to get me to talk about S____. I'm torn because I want to talk about it but at the same time I really don't! Just letting the thoughts in terrifies me.

    It doesn't help that Sue keeps using words like 'seduced', which quite frankly makes me want to scream and cry and punch her and throw up all at the same time. I don't know why she doesn't get it. Is it because I was 15/16 rather than 5/6? I've told her before that that's not how it was and I'm sure she can see it distresses me but she's done it on three seperate occasions now, yesterday included.

    She's nice, don't get me wrong. She means well, I'm sure.

    willgetthere, it'd be a good idea to take someone with me, but I don't have anyone. I don't feel like anyone understands what I'm going through, how I feel... :cry:

    Thanks again to everyone who replied, please keep them coming.

    ~Nobody~ x
  6. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    This is really getting me down (more so) the more I think about it. She's making me feel even more hateful. Or maybe it's all me and I'm projecting. Whatever. But anyone who reckons he could 'seduce' me...

    Fuck. I've had enough of being blamed. :cry:
  7. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    it's not your fault. :hug: It really isn't.

    I'd say go for the idea shygirl came up with, copy-paste the text of your post to word or something and edit it a little bit here and there and then give that to Sue. I'm sure she'll understand. :hug:
  8. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    I don't know how to put it without making her angry... :unsure:
  9. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I would suggest this (I just cut a few sentences out).
    and putting something behind it to soften the last paragraph a bit if you know what I mean. Something saying that this is just the impression you get but that you aren't sure that's what she thinks.

    I really hope you can somehow change it, "nobody" :hug:

  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Nod I'd honestly think sod whether you make her angry or not.

    The problem with being assigned a social worker rather than a qualified psychotherapist is their level of training and detachment. She really doesnt have the background or qualifications for analysis.

    Can you not ask to be referred to a psychotherapist?
  11. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    I don't know, Terry, I don't think so. CAMHS have just good a new psychiatrist a week ago (the old one worked with my mum a lot in the past), and it's great because he doesn't know people. But I know that he is the only NHS psychiatrist for all the under 18s in the whole area. I doubt he has time to see people like me.

    I don't know how it works.

    The last psychiatrist said to me before she left that she was leaving me in Sue's capable hands because she had every faith in her and so on.

    I don't know how to do anything about this... :sad:
  12. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Sigh:blink: :sad:
    When do you turn 18 hun? Cos then you can be treated as an adult.
  13. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    I am 18, in fact I was only referred to CAMHS 4 days before my 18th birthday. But my mum and her ex (my abuser) both work for adult services! :sad: It's so unhelpful. That's why CAMHS have kept me on. This whole thing sucks.
  14. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ok, can I suggest a trip to your GP? Explain to them the situation (write it down if its easier than talking, cos sometimes it can be really difficult to explain oneself once you get in the docs room:blink: ) and ask to be referred as an adult to someone.
    Your GP will surely realise how difficult it is with your mum being staff and all.
  15. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Yeah, my GP does understand that, which is I suppose why she referred me to CAMHS. It's literally impossible though, this community is cut off and we only have two psych hospitals (18-65 acute and 65+). We have fuck all in the way of mental health services and everything is understaffed. Because we are cut off here everyone in adult services works with or has worked with my mum and/or S____. My mum is a senior staff nurse in the acute hospital, everyone comes into contact with her. It makes everything else so much more complicated, this just isn't fair :sad:.

    I give up :sad:.
  16. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    maybe you should try seeing someone else?

    im really fussy and dont accept people easily, so i have seen sooo many GPs until ive found the one i like

    ive stopped seeing my psychiatrist because i didnt like her, but im willing to try again and see a different one

    maybe just try someone else?
  17. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Wait, u is in Cambridgeshire..yes?
    Trains to London arent that bad..couldnt he/she refer u to London mental health services
  18. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately Terry I'm nowhere near. I'm going to PM you telling you where I am and then I reckon you'll get what I mean :sad:.

    Trapped88, I wish it was as simple as that, but it just isn't where I am, and I can't afford to pay anyone :sad:.

    EDIT: There we go Terry, PM sent. x
  19. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni


    Sorry to hear about the troubles with therapist. I haven't read all the replies, just the main first post so sorry if this is not appropriate.

    I am in psychotherapy at the moment and for the first 7 sessions I struggled big time to trust her. I didn't tell her how I was feeling truthfully, in fact I just told her what i thought she wanted to hear. (Pretty pointless seeing as I pay £35 a session!).

    Then on my 8th session I went in and told her exactly why i didn't trust her. I told her how i feel she judges me and a lot lot more. It was bloody difficult.. but we had a fantastic conversation about how we can improve the situation for me. What would work for me and what wouldn't etc. We discussed me getting another therapist, even. It was such a difficult session, but it was so worthwhile.

    Since then I have felt so much more trusting of her. She knows my issues of trust and.. well.. It's just such a different experience now when I go to her. It seems I was projecting my own family on to her basically. It was good to see what I was doing to myself and that she wasn't there to get me!

    My advice would be to speak to your therapist and tell them how you're feeling. Tell them what is and what isn't working for you. If it's way too scary to do that, print this post out as shygirl suggests. While going straight to your doctor and saying it's not helping you, might help.. it may help a hell of a lot more if you could be totally honest with the therapist face to face.. if you both agree that you should see someone else, then so be it.. but it may be very growthful indeed for you to say what it is that you want and need.. say what isn't working.. be totally 'in' the relationship. As the tutor on my counselling skills course says, we employ the therapists.. we have the control over what we do in the sessions :)

    Good luck with it, and let us know how things go. Again, sorry if this reply isn't relevant but thought i'd say it anyway :biggrin:

    Jenny x
  20. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    WHY the FUCK does she keep saying 'seduced' ?!?!!!!
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.