I need help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Chameleon01, Mar 3, 2013.

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  1. Chameleon01

    Chameleon01 New Member

    I've been having depression& anxiety my whole life I'm 25 and was only diagnosed 5/6 months ago when I had a break down.this was from stress of the last few years where I've had a serious back operation that's left me with nerve damage, finding out my 4 year ex who I lived with was a liar& I had all the financial stress which I'm not in debt for we lost out flat& everything and all while I was trying to finish uni&my dissertation.them I moved home last year started rebuilding life&metbthe love of my life a girl whos bisexual& bipolar an apparently split personality but I fell hard& it was always difficult and I saw many side to her but lived her unconditionally& she said she was in live with me and that she felt da same but a month after we property it together she was sending crazy texts after not hearing from her for weeks& then dumped me by text and apparently attempted suicide.i begged her to reconsider a few weeks later when she said she was fine but she never made a decision and ignored me now 6 months later heard nothing from her and she's with a man!!! I'm currently having Councilling and every time I think about her I can't stop feeling so hurt and like I can't trust anyone and al I can do is cry! I do force myself to get on with life but the last few days it's all still catching up again and I feel more suicidal than ever& like everyone is against me and my friends don't care everyone wants me only if they can get something from me& I'm being soooo paranoid but I know/ hope there not Lyon to me or humouring me as I've worked so hard to rebuild our friendships this last year!
    I have always had many things like violent abuse at a young age and other things happen& I'm not a self pitying or weak person but I just can't get over this all happening this time I really need help!
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    First I want to say welcome to suicide forum. I think this is a very good place. So I am happy you are here. No one here will think you are weak or self pitying. but I can understand why you might worry about that. I am sorry you have had so much loss and illness. depression, anxiety and surgery. Loss of partners. Its very difficult to manage the combination you describe. I hope you are getting good support from counselling. Because no one should be dealiing with that much alone.

    You talked about the girl who you fell in love with who was bipolar, and apparantly split personality. If she is split personality it is possible that a part of her fell in love with you. But then another part of her that is heterosexual took over and fell in love with a man. I am not saying this is what happened. But it is a possible explination.

    I am glad you are here. And I hope you can make this website your community if it feels right and good for you. And of course, I do hope you are getting the support of a counseller or therapist. Because you sure do deserve that. Everyone who is in challenging situations deserves that. :hug: a safe hug for you if thats okay
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