i going insane i cant do this....i cant keep going on. it hurts so much...so so much. i wan tto throw mysel fin to trafic. i keep waking away from trafic and cars adn trains and rivvers because im afraid of myself. this pain...its so much. im hyperventalating. i cant think. i want to go, die. i just cant do this. i want to die. i feal so dead already. but it hurts. so much. i feal like i cant go on. i just cant. i dont know what else to say. i need somone, anyone to help me. just to say im nto alone. i cant cry. i cant. it wil show im weak. but im not weak. im strong. who cares if my dad is basicly abondoning me and my family. who cares if mom just quit her ejob and got of ati depresents. who cares if im all alone. who cares. i can be big. ill get a job. or ill talk to dad. both. ill get through school. ill be happy then. when i can fix it all, on my own, ill be happy. ....but ills til be alone. no one knows me. no one knows me as me. im just bright, or strong, or carismatic, or kind, or sensitive, or strong, or weak, or anythign else you could say! im mean, selfish, and shortsighted! IM FUCKING EVERYTHING YOU WANT ME TO BE!!!! but im by myself at the end of the day. my bigest fear is to die alone, and the reason why this is my bigest fear... is because it will probibly be what wil happen to me. my dads going. my mom is still trying to learn to know me. and when he leaves...ill be alone.