I need help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by qteallex, Mar 13, 2015.

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  1. qteallex

    qteallex Active Member

    too scared of judgement from family to go to the doctors
    my friends are fine but my family are not the same
    my dad will make cruel jokes, or at least un-funny jokes like when I came out
    my mum might ignore it or might just not accept it

    when I was 13 I wrote a note to my mum saying that I felt so bad I wanted to "end it all" and she sat there and cried over it, took me to the doctors and when the doctor brushed me off as anxious since she didn't bother mentioning anything other than physical symptoms and she was there and I was scared - she dropped it

    I've self harmed by cutting for years, only stopped last summer, and sometimes they saw the cuts or scars and my dad would ignore it and my mum would fucking tell me off "this is bad"

    I LIVE with these people and if I go to the doctors they will know I'm going out and I'll have to lie and I'll have to phone up the doctors' to make an appointment and I'd rather die than deal with any of it

    a chance arises in the form of a friend who has gotten help themselves, so maybe they will come to the doctors' with me but it's still so much stress on me that I can't take it
    everything makes me want to curl up and disappear because it's too much to handle

    going to spank the monkey then hit the hay - I might ask them about it tomorrow and I dont' want to be mid-wallow
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry that you have suffered so much at a tender age. You life is important and I am proud of you not self-harming anymore. That's simply amazing as its a difficult cycle to break. Well done.

    You are important and so is life. What your dad is doing is cruel and just mind games. That's not nice for you and I know it's hard to ignore especially the ones who are suppose to protect you. Can you speak to a school counsellor about this in private. I strongly recommend that you call helplines like Samaritans who will listen to you with sympathy. Sharing you troubles will easy the pain you feel. You are important and keep posting here for further support.

    Take care please.
  3. VIRAL

    VIRAL Member

    Make the doctor more than a friend, make him a partner. It worked for me.
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    It sounds like what you need is a therapist or psychiatrist rather than a medical doctor. If your friend is seeing a therapist or psychiatrist, he/she could ask the professional about ways to get help without being detected by your family.
  5. qteallex

    qteallex Active Member

    I finally plucked up courage to speak to the school guidance counselor, who helped me make an appointment with my GP and introduced me to the school's counselor. it's almost exams so I probably won't get any appointments with them but going to the DR's has been a long time coming.

    thank you so much for reply, have a great day <3
  6. Leolsrik

    Leolsrik Well-Known Member

    Congrats on making that critical first step!
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