I need help.

[pushing1through]

I feel like I’m ruining my relationship with my long term boyfriend because of my anxiety and depression. I get upset at him over nothing and realize I do it after the fact. I don’t know why I do it but I keep doing it. We live together but he’s been gone at a friends last night. We got in a fight and he left. And he’s ignored me since.

I started hurting myself. And I don’t know what to do. It’s the only thing keeping me here. I punched my arm over and over as hard a possible and bruised it real bad. I also think i broke my finger on top of that because my whole finger is purple and swollen.

I don’t know who to talk to right now but I’m at loss. I don’t want to keep living anymore. I don’t want to do life anymore.

 

[WildCherry]

Have you considered reaching out for professional help?

 

[may71]

Sorry that this is happening.

I get upset at him over nothing and realize I do it after the fact. I don’t know why I do it but I keep doing it

I think apologies can go a long way. If he knows that this is something that you realize that you do, and that you don't want to do it but you don't know how to stop, that might make it easier for him to deal with.

Maybe there's a way you can work this out

Hugs

 

[Ghana1984]

I have my bad days. My partner and I are going through something similar. When I realize I've hurt them, I do my best to try to imagine how I would feel if the situation was reversed.

If the roles were reversed, how would you feel? How would you want your boyfriend to react? What would you want your boyfriend to say? What could he do to make the situation better? And then you try your best to do it. Sometimes it's hard to put yourself in the other's shoes, believe me, I know. When you are in so much pain, it is nearly impossible to think of anything else. It's consuming.

I agree with @may71 . Apologies can go a long way.

 

[Mymindsmine]

I feel like I’m ruining my relationship with my long term boyfriend because of my anxiety and depression. I get upset at him over nothing and realize I do it after the fact. I don’t know why I do it but I keep doing it. We live together but he’s been gone at a friends last night. We got in a fight and he left. And he’s ignored me since.

I started hurting myself. And I don’t know what to do. It’s the only thing keeping me here. I punched my arm over and over as hard a possible and bruised it real bad. I also think i broke my finger on top of that because my whole finger is purple and swollen.

I don’t know who to talk to right now but I’m at loss. I don’t want to keep living anymore. I don’t want to do life anymore.

I’m so glad you found us xxxx we get you completely. Xx firstly be kind to yourself . Anxiety and depression is a real thing that can effect you and cause you to be a little out of sorts so that’s ok . And Im sure If it upsets you then it is something not nothing .. so just be mindful and take note of what it is that is causing you to react take a minute and think maybe take some time out before you react to take stock of why your feeling this way . We all have an inate resilience to people places and things we just need to find it and please don’t hang your own well-being on your partner . You can cope and live without putting your self through self harm if you put your mind to it. Hurting your self doesn’t make any of your situation any better you feel or think it releases pain but it doesn’t it’s purely your mind telling you it does but the true reality is... you can be in control you can stop allowing your anxiety to take control and you can get back what you desire . Hanging our well-being on others can only do one thing and that’s stop us from being who we should be not what others expect or desire xxx talk to us we have so got you ... and nothing is worth hanging your life on xxxxx

 

[Marilyn1962]

I feel like I’m ruining my relationship with my long term boyfriend because of my anxiety and depression. I get upset at him over nothing and realize I do it after the fact. I don’t know why I do it but I keep doing it. We live together but he’s been gone at a friends last night. We got in a fight and he left. And he’s ignored me since.

I started hurting myself. And I don’t know what to do. It’s the only thing keeping me here. I punched my arm over and over as hard a possible and bruised it real bad. I also think i broke my finger on top of that because my whole finger is purple and swollen.

I don’t know who to talk to right now but I’m at loss. I don’t want to keep living anymore. I don’t want to do life anymore.

I'm so sorry this is happening, I have been in a similar situation many times with my boyfriend. I never realise what I've done until it's too late. He also ignores me which I thought was him punishing me but it seems like it's his way of detaching from the situation and always forgives me later. If you haven't discussed your depression before with him you definitely should, and hopefully he will understand. As long as over time you can make even small improvements and make the effort to stop yourself before you lash out etc, i think it will be okay.

I know how hard it is to be conscious of your words and actions when you struggle with anxiety and depression though. This is just temporary, he can't ignore you forever!

 

[ib4uib]

I feel like I’m ruining my relationship with my long term boyfriend because of my anxiety and depression. I get upset at him over nothing and realize I do it after the fact. I don’t know why I do it but I keep doing it. We live together but he’s been gone at a friends last night. We got in a fight and he left. And he’s ignored me since.

I started hurting myself. And I don’t know what to do. It’s the only thing keeping me here. I punched my arm over and over as hard a possible and bruised it real bad. I also think i broke my finger on top of that because my whole finger is purple and swollen.

I don’t know who to talk to right now but I’m at loss. I don’t want to keep living anymore. I don’t want to do life anymore.

The fact you realise you're getting upset with you bf is a good thing. You realize anxiety & depression is the cause for you getting upset.
If you try and recognise it the next time it happens and instead of saying any words just pause for 3 seconds. That's enough time to change the outcome!

 

[iwihbn]

I feel like I’m ruining my relationship with my long term boyfriend because of my anxiety and depression. I get upset at him over nothing and realize I do it after the fact. I don’t know why I do it but I keep doing it. We live together but he’s been gone at a friends last night. We got in a fight and he left. And he’s ignored me since.

I started hurting myself. And I don’t know what to do. It’s the only thing keeping me here. I punched my arm over and over as hard a possible and bruised it real bad. I also think i broke my finger on top of that because my whole finger is purple and swollen.

I don’t know who to talk to right now but I’m at loss. I don’t want to keep living anymore. I don’t want to do life anymore.

This is a problem, but its one you can fix! Hurting yourself helps no-one, especially not you.
Apologise to your boyfriend, and this is just me, but I would explain what you're feeling. Its a big step, to be sure, but he'll understand and you can get some close support from someone dear to you through this.