I need help. I know I won't actually be able to commit suicide which should make me feel better but it just scares me more. I'm so afraid I'll find out there really is no answer to my problem and I won't even have suicide as an option. Something's wrong with me. I don't know what but it always has been. It's serious but I don't know how to get help for it. I just can't go on on my own. It's like I've been stuck as a kid all my life. I always need the "perfect" someone there with me to help me figure out what to do. I can't make decisions on my own, I cant do anything. It's so strange. I don't even know what it is. I just know I'm afraid to live on my own and I'm afraid to get help because what if I miss the chance to be normal? I just lost who I thougt was my soulmate in a bad break up cause I thought since he couldn't be "perfect" then he wasn't the one so I broke up with him. Now I regret it and I know I can never get him back cause he's getting married. I just don't think there's anyway out of this. I'm not even sure why i'm writing on here. I want help but I don't think it's out there. I'm supposed to leave for college Thursday and I don't think I can take the stress of that on top of everything else. And there's no way I can talk to my parents cause everytime I try I don't sound serious and they don't believe me.