okay, to start off, I have dissociative identity disorder. or multiple personality disorder (though I hate calling it that) for those of you that dont know the other term. I have heard that if you really work on yourself that your personalities can merge back together... and well... I think I have merged back together, but I think its sort of chaotic, like theres so many different things shoved into one small space instead of seperated like they used to be...i'm not sure how to explain it... I havent had a black out in about 3 months now... is my DID just resting and going to come out of nowhere again? or am I cured? whats going on? I feel like one person again. and I honestly dont like it, im not used to it. its creating substance abuse problems, I think. I mean, I always knew I had a problem with alcohol, well, part of me did. I like to call her alex.... and well, recently, ive been drinking and partying, and before that, I really wasnt a party person...or i was...but i wasnt....why is this so difficult to explain? someone please help me understand what is happening to me.