My life is so fucked up. I am always sad. I haven been totally depressed for two years now. Im still doing my daily routines, but even those I have problem doing. I feel lost and paralyzed and I always feel exhausted. I am a male nursing student, around 19 years old. I feel so depressed in the classroom. I have gone to see a psychiatrist but nothing has changed. I am afraid to talk to people. I masturbate and go to r-rated websites alot. I hate female bonding in my nursing class. I am a loser. I think about suicide everyday, but I heard god forbids suicide. I hate the fucking North America Matriarchal society that women have created to oppress men. I am not gay, I like women but I hate their attitudes. I love to watch european football or in north american terminology soccer. I love to play soccer but I dont do it anymore. Eversince I have gone to a psychiatrist, he has prescribed some anti depressant pills and some other pills to help me but they haven't helped either. I am totally alone and hopeless even though I am with my family and I feel like a total reject and I am afraid to go out into the society, even though I go out into the society. I am addicted to the computer and like I said go to alot of porn websites. My world has become so small. It used to be however so big. I hate doing the things I enjoyed before and find them dull and boring now or I cant do them. I am muslim and feel bad being muslim. I always feel tired. I have failed 2 of my nursing courses this year (last semester) and if I fail one more they are going to kick me out. People always escape from trying to talk to me and keep at a short conversation when they actually do talk to me. Someone please help me. I am going crazy also. I have no energy to do anything anymore. I used to do little exercise before and now I dont even do that. I just dont know who to turn to. I need a vacation but my parents dont have no money to lend me to go on a vacation. I cant have a part time job right now since Im doing so bad in school. Its like I have crashed like a plane has crashed to a building and I need someone to repair me or heal me. So I Can enjoy life again. I am afraid Im going to fail another nursing course and Im going to be kicked out of college. I feel no one understands the pain, I am going through and everyone around me is only selfish and only cares about himself or herself, which is how it is really.