I need help

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Ali23, Apr 22, 2009.

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  1. Ali23

    Ali23 Guest

    My life is so fucked up. I am always sad. I haven been totally depressed for two years now. Im still doing my daily routines, but even those I have problem doing. I feel lost and paralyzed and I always feel exhausted. I am a male nursing student, around 19 years old. I feel so depressed in the classroom. I have gone to see a psychiatrist but nothing has changed. I am afraid to talk to people. I masturbate and go to r-rated websites alot. I hate female bonding in my nursing class. I am a loser. I think about suicide everyday, but I heard god forbids suicide. I hate the fucking North America Matriarchal society that women have created to oppress men. I am not gay, I like women but I hate their attitudes. I love to watch european football or in north american terminology soccer. I love to play soccer but I dont do it anymore. Eversince I have gone to a psychiatrist, he has prescribed some anti depressant pills and some other pills to help me but they haven't helped either. I am totally alone and hopeless even though I am with my family and I feel like a total reject and I am afraid to go out into the society, even though I go out into the society. I am addicted to the computer and like I said go to alot of porn websites. My world has become so small. It used to be however so big. I hate doing the things I enjoyed before and find them dull and boring now or I cant do them. I am muslim and feel bad being muslim. I always feel tired. I have failed 2 of my nursing courses this year (last semester) and if I fail one more they are going to kick me out. People always escape from trying to talk to me and keep at a short conversation when they actually do talk to me. Someone please help me. I am going crazy also. I have no energy to do anything anymore. I used to do little exercise before and now I dont even do that. I just dont know who to turn to. I need a vacation but my parents dont have no money to lend me to go on a vacation. I cant have a part time job right now since Im doing so bad in school. Its like I have crashed like a plane has crashed to a building and I need someone to repair me or heal me. So I Can enjoy life again. I am afraid Im going to fail another nursing course and Im going to be kicked out of college. I feel no one understands the pain, I am going through and everyone around me is only selfish and only cares about himself or herself, which is how it is really.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Wow, I'm really sorry you're going through so much.

    Have you told the psychiatrist that the meds he gave you arent' working? I know it's frustrating, but maybe they can try some different ones until they find some that will help.

    Feeling alone really sucks. I'm glad you posted here; it's a good place to talk to people and make friends. if you ever need anything, you can PM me anytime. You can make it through this. You don't have to do it alone.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    How long have you been on your meds?? Do you take them as prescribed?? It takes four to six weeks to start benefiting from them.. Everyones chemistry is different so they may have to try a few to come up with what works for you..As far as school , go see a couselor and let them know what is going on. It would be better to take the rest of the year off and get yourself straight then go back and finish your classes..The couselor can help you make the right decisions..
  4. Ali23

    Ali23 Guest

    I have been on my meds for a long time now. I also want to add on to the things I said. I have no friends. I am getting problems peeing when I take the medications the psychiatrist has prescribed to me. I like the nursing profession but whenever I am in my class I lose my concentration and focus on cute girls asses, face or boobs. You might just say I get horny and get a boner. I am taking SDZ-BUPROPION SR 150MG (its for depression and helps me a little bit but the side effects for this medication are really bad) and PMS-METHYLPHENIDATE 10MG (TO INCREASE my focus and concentration when I am writing tests, quizzes or exams). I have tried asking this cute girl in my class out but she totally rejected me and I felt she was trying to run away from me and hide from me, so she dident have to speak to me. I felt like this after I told her about my situation and failing 2 nursing classes. I am always in conflicts with my brother and we fight alot and use and throws things we find around the house at each other. One time I remeber the fight got so bad that my brother stabbed me with a knife on my arms and I hit him in the head with china plates and it broke on his head into pieces, I had to be taken to the emergency room and stiched up. My father has lost his job and he is way across the world living some where else because of having job insecurity in his job, my father and mother are not divorced, my mother is always depressed but is the most hopeful out of all of us. I feel sorry for my mother and tell her that My dad and her need to live together because being appart are disastrous. This being seperated thing is not going to work out. The problem with my family is everytime I tell them that I want to do nursing in another college they are like if you go there, its going to be the same thing and nothing is going to change, I tell them I hate the college I am going to and want to get out of the college as soon as possible. When I tell my parents there is a
    chance that Im going to be kicked out of nursing they start yelling, screaming and swearing at me and make me believe like its the end of the world or something which I tell them its really not but they are like go work in Mcdonalds or Burger king for the rest of your life and you should start as possible soon as possible starting from tomorrow. They tell me you should drop out of your college tomorrow and bring your resume to a mcdonalds or burger king store to see if they are hiring. I tell them its not the end of the world if I get kicked out of this college. I can always apply somewhere else and get my 4 years Bachelor of science of nursing done there. I have this nursing teacher who is really bitchy and makes me believe she is a lesbian or something, she blames all her problems on Men and believes Men are the ones destroying the world and believes women are like some sort of angels or saints sent down from heaven. I just want to tell her FUCK YOU BITCH, I HOPE YOU SUFFER A VERY CRUEL DEATH AND MAYBE YOUR PROBLEMS OF HATING Men its actually not the men that have the problem but your the one with the problems. All the girls that come to my nursing class have this ideology that women are superior to men in every way which gets me really pissed off and I tell myself once you get this nursing degree you will never have to see any of these lesbian bitches again and you can enjoy your own life, Then I look up at the sky. My life is like a soap opera it has been like this ever since I was a child, I hate this soap opera and want to get out of a life with drama and I want to have my own life and not have any drama and excitement in my life. I am a extremely sensitive kind sweet, not bad looking guy who happens to suffer the most and worst way possible and have the worst pain some one can have ever in life. Some times I ask my self why did god make me muslim instead of other religions. And I reply to myself to make me suffer the worst pain possible in the world. I am a good guy and have not done anything bad in my life, but I happen to suffer the worst way possible a person can suffer. I believe in equality between people but believe there are too many crazy, psychotic women and men out there from letting equality come to a surface and that the world will become worst and believe there is no hope for Human beings because they are the ones destroying themselves and the world that they are living in and that is why the world is in recession.
  5. User

    User Guest

    Hey Ali,

    I am really sorry for what you're going through.

    I have a small experience to share with you: I was sorta in your shoes at one point in my life. I was failing everything. My classes were horrible! I didn't like studying! and I was a complete mess. However I realized, the only way to get out of this was a very simple solution: ME.

    The only human being that would care about healing you is ONLY YOU and no one else. You should stand up on your feet, look up HIGH and realize YOURSELF. Tell yourself YOU REFUSE TO LIVE THIS LIFE AND BEGIN GRADUAL CHANGE.

    The most difficult step is the first one, but we are all humans, if I was able to do it, then you can. Believe in yourself Ali, because no one will believe in you before you initiate that with yourself.

    If ever you want to e-mail me, by all means: blanker@live.com -- God bless you pal.
  6. Ali23

    Ali23 Guest

    ^^ thanks man, for the motivational speech. Everyone around me in the world that Im living and Im saying the truth, is selfish and self centered and the people in the country that Im living act more like animals than humans and I always see them tiring to hurt me mentally and emotionally and trying to create more problems for me. Its like I'm Tupac and Im singing the song Me Against The World. Lol, I guess that is the best way to describe it.
  7. Ali23

    Ali23 Guest

    sorry, If I use the word hate to much. This is the last thing about hate that Im going to say I hate the fact that majority of Women all over the world have easier lives than men and have the law and all the power on their side. Its like Men have turned out to zero over night.
  8. Ali23

    Ali23 Guest

    I just want to say I appreciate the people who left a comment and those comments were nice and made me happy in a tiny way. Thank You to everyone who left a comment. Today I had a beautiful day as I was going to YMCA for the first time in a really long time swimming and I felt great when I was swimming and I had the urge to keep swimming and passed the overall lap record of the many laps I have swam. I hope everyone's problems here get solved as well and everyone here can be in control of their lives and not have any depression and not have to go through a crisis all by themselves. I hope and pray for the people who lost their jobs to get back working, I hope to see the economy become better and for the people who lost their job and lost hope never give up hope just keep on giving resumes, you'll eventually will get a job. I thank the people who made time to make this beautiful site with people with depression and who are going through a crisis of their own. I appreciate the people who left comments for me put their emails up, if I ever needed to talk about anything and just wanting to help even if they had no idea how to help and where to start from. :),:),:).
  9. Ali23

    Ali23 Guest

    Now I know that I can depend on people here even if everyone goes againest me and this makes me really happy inside. Thank You all and have a nice day. :),:),:).
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