I need help.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by poisonedXsoul, May 7, 2009.

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  1. poisonedXsoul

    poisonedXsoul Active Member

    I need to go into therepy. I really really need to. But I can't go to my parents and be like "I've been faking being better for three years, I still need help."
    My eating disorder has been out of control.
    My life has turned me back into a suicidal blob.
    I can't stop thinking about my molester, my miscarriage, previous tragedies I thought I was over. I've been falling for a long time and I feel dangerously close to connecting with rock bottom.
    I've been drug binging. I was doing really good, I stopped pills and drinking so all I did was smoke weed every now and then.

    I've been snorting percocet and other painkillers, taking adderal, and smoking pot everyday. I maintain my facade, I keep up my grades, I do chores, I go to work, I hang out with friends. I'm miserable. I'm lying to my boyfriend. And it kills me so much because he means the world to me. But he doesn't get all my stress and pain, he doesn't understand that I want to be numb. He has stopped me from cutting, which is all I've been thinking about. I'm afraid if I don't cut I just might snap. If I stop snorting painkillers, I will snap. It's keeping me from killing myself.

    And I can't tell anyone that because it would hurt them. And I can't do that.

    I don't even have the money for therapy anyway.
     
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF. You've got way too much to handle right now on your own. Depending on your relationshop with your parents, I think your best chance right now is to tell them.

    You don't have to tell them everything. You can just say that things were ok for awhile and that you feel extremely stressed and want another chance to get well again.

    Let them help you get back into therapy and start to deal with the drug issues esp., one by one.

    I've been through it! Parents can be very giving if they are approached the right way. Be honest and get a feel for the situation. If they wont help get you feel more comfortableback to us and we'll try and figure another road.

    We're here to help you. Please feel free to respond by private message if more comfortable.
     
  3. poisonedXsoul

    poisonedXsoul Active Member

    my family can't afford me help anymore.
     
  4. Blue bell

    Blue bell Active Member

    just wondering if there may be a vountary organisation in your area who could offer free therapy...??? not sure if this is a option for you.

    I want to say well done for posting this because i can guess that it may have been difficult to reach out.

    I know that we are not therapists here but we can listen to you and try and support in the best why possible.

    If you feel i can help at all please private message me and i will do my best.

    Remember that you are not alone here and that people here know how hard life can be and that its good to reach out.

    once again well done for posting and maybe it could be good to have a look around your area to see what free support and help is available.

    good luck

    Blue bell
     
  5. poisonedXsoul

    poisonedXsoul Active Member

    i searched for some free therepy but apparently frederick does not offer any.
    idk.
     
  6. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    i am so glad you reached out.

    this is very positive, and courageous.

    we have a couple of similar issues, though i am much older. but i am able to feel and understand, what you are dealing with.

    pm if you want to talk, and keep reaching out here, because we will help you until you get stronger. :console:
     
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with Shades you need to approach your parents..Let them know you need to talk about something very serious..You can go to social services and apply for aid..You really need to stop snorting painkillers, you will burn out the inside of your nose..If it gets to bad they may have to do surgery on it..Don't be afraid to let your loved ones know you need help...
     
  8. DiscoverPeaceOfMind

    DiscoverPeaceOfMind Active Member

    Ask yourself this question?
    What did I want from my mother but never got?
    What did I want from my father but never got?

    Then gently & sincerely go ask for it. If they can provide, it will be better than any therapy and cost a hell of a lot less.

    That'll help get some positive momentum for you.

    In the meantime, you know that the snorting is not working for you long term, and you will stop sometime...May as well make that time now, and make positive change one decision at a time.

    Good luck!!
     
  9. poisonedXsoul

    poisonedXsoul Active Member

    My mother can not provide anything. She does worse drugs than I do. I talked to my dad. He's looking into therapy for me. He doesn't know why just that I want it.
     
  10. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I think it's great that your dad wants to help, no questions asked. Take him up on the offer and start anew. It's never too late. Try and keep us posted as to what happens. Don't worry if your thread falls off the board. Things move very quickly here. If it does, just start another or send a private message to someome here. I'm available if you want to send me one.
     
  11. poisonedXsoul

    poisonedXsoul Active Member

    I'm really glad a joined this forum. It kees me alive knowing people I don't even know care. Thank you guys.
     
  12. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    Heya About your eating disorder, I have eating disorder, and I recieve help through OA. Its a feelowship of men and women who suffer from cumpulsive overeating, anerexia, bulimia, or anyone who feels like they are binging, or starving themselfs. Its a good fellowship, and its all around the world. As for the drugging and boozing, I always did that to stop the pain, but it just doesnt help, as Im guessing you are still going through hell. Have you thought about speaking to your doctor about putting you on a detox programme, to get you off the drugs and booze. I did that and it has saved my life from so much hell. I havent self harmed in 4 weeks, and I havent taken a mind altering chemical for 6 months.
    Good luck and remember anything you say here, we LISTEN and we CARE X
    take care
    PM me anytime
    Xx Sky xX
     
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