I need help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mlclm, Jul 13, 2009.

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  1. mlclm

    mlclm New Member

    Last night, I made plans to kill myself. I wrote notes and figured out a way that I thought would minimize suffering. Earlier today, I was relieved that I was still here and was sad for myself for being in such a position. However, right now I realize I don't have much to live for. Honestly, the only reason I'm still alive is because I don't want to destroy the lives of people close to me, that's what keeps me going. It gets harder every day, though, because I'm slowly accepting a more egocentric mentality and am realizing staying alive simply because I'm worried about others isn't a good justification.

    I'm not sure what I'm looking for here; I think I just wanted to tell someone.
  2. SplinterStar

    SplinterStar Well-Known Member

    Well tell away! I've got insomia and an empty ear that needs some listening. So... what are your plans?
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome to the forums,

    I'm glad you didn't go through with it. Have you sought any professional help for your depression? It might help.
    Good luck to you x
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you can see what pain you would cause to others hang in there and please vent here anytime and ask for help we do care please tell us what is causing all this pain and please reach out and get councilling and help. call crisis or hospital don't harm yourself the people will care and help you. It is always good to hear a real voice take care
  5. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    Maybe not long term, but for the short term it really helps you hang on. And there is no note or method that would minimize suffering. Your family will be absolutely devastated, no matter what you say in your note. There are too many questions they will have afterwards.

    I agree that you shouldn't be just hanging on for them, but you should work towards building a life that for you is worth living. It can seem impossible now, but I can assure you it isn't. Getting better is just like the downward spiral you go into with depression, its just reversed. It starts off very slowly, and as you start mending the hurts of the past, it begins to pick up speed and in a few months you won't even recognize yourself as you are now.
    I'm not saying you won't experience this pain again, but there is room in between for a little happiness. You just have to keep trying!

    Hope this helped. Take care!

  6. mlclm

    mlclm New Member

    Sorry about the lack of attention; my internet stopped working for a while.

    I've tried counseling, and it did help a bit, but when I start to feel better it gets harder to make myself go. I know that sounds stupid, but when it counts, I'm not the most logical.

    @max For at least 3 years, I've rejected suicide because I was worried about others and I've finally gotten over that. I'm tired of going through the motions day after day just because I'm worried about hurting them. I'm hurting and I don't want to anymore.
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I suggest going back to your therapist increasing time you go so as to get your pain gone. The pain is something that has to be dealt with and talking with a therapist will help. Death is permanent and its not fair to cause pain to others when depression is treatable with medication and talk therapy. Your therapist helped before time to revisits what works. take care and i hope to see you out of pain soon
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