Last night, I made plans to kill myself. I wrote notes and figured out a way that I thought would minimize suffering. Earlier today, I was relieved that I was still here and was sad for myself for being in such a position. However, right now I realize I don't have much to live for. Honestly, the only reason I'm still alive is because I don't want to destroy the lives of people close to me, that's what keeps me going. It gets harder every day, though, because I'm slowly accepting a more egocentric mentality and am realizing staying alive simply because I'm worried about others isn't a good justification. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here; I think I just wanted to tell someone.