I need help.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lhjnhnas, May 23, 2010.

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  1. Lhjnhnas

    Lhjnhnas New Member

    I have so much rage and hurt inside me. I've tried everything, from medication to self-harm, but nothing seems to help me express it enough anymore.

    I've just spent close to an hour flagellating, mostly because I'm too worried to use a blade anymore, and I still feel like my life is just to worthless to live, like the only thing I'm living for is the rage and the hatred that is filling me up. I don't want to snap at someone, because last time I did it ended very badly for me and someone that I cared about very much. I just don't want to live anymore. Can someone with a similar problem please give me some advice?

    I don't know how long I can hold on.

    Liam
     
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi Liam, I used to cut like there was no tomorrow and went through a bout you just described once...it was awful but I was trying to deal with the intense pain as best as possible and so are you. Please go gentle on yourself.

    I am glad you posted as many here can relate and do care....do you mind telling me a bit more about what got you to feeling so down? Sounds like it has been happening for a while..about how long now?

    It is a tough road we travel but you have found a place to talk and get support so please know your load just got lighter and you are among those that understand and give a damn.

    Love Bambi

    I am here for you :arms:
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi Liam..please hold on....keep posting....
    I can't offer advice about the SI but wanted you to know I read your post and hear your pain...take care
     
  4. shazwackers

    shazwackers Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry that you are feeling this awful pain at the moment.........I understand what you say about being beyond self-harm........... I have cut for years and it doesn't always work.........please be kind to yourself...........can you tell us a bit more about what has made you feel this way?.........always here to listen............take care.........shaz.......
     
  5. Lhjnhnas

    Lhjnhnas New Member

    Well, I got down from a lot of things, but I started self-harming 3 years ago, when my parents up stakes and moved, from out home of 15 years, for basically what I thought of as no real reason.

    From there, it just got worse... my mother and father place so much expectations on me to succeed at school, and this is my final year of school, making it that much worse. They want me to get into medical school, stating that anything less is "a let down of my potential." It's even worse, because they both teach at my school.

    My former best friend has also turned out to a psycho, and has made a whole heap of death threats against me and my family, I'm still not really sure why, as well as basically convincing all my friends from school to hate me, resulting in my loosing my support network. I started a strong course of SSRI anti-depressants, and suffered from hyper-depression for a time, which caused a further rift with my family, and I haven't really spoken to them more than a few words in about 3 months.

    But, I've always had an anger problem, but recently it's just gotten worse.

    Thank you for all the support, Bambi, IV and Shaz, I'm holding in there.

    Liam.
     
  6. raindrop

    raindrop Well-Known Member

    Running as fast as you can and as far as you can has helped when I was angry. Take care.
     
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