Hi All......... I'm new here, but not new to online support forums. It feels strange to come to a brand new forum and spill yer guts, but right now, I don't think I have much choice. I can't get suicide out of my head. I think about it day and night. I secretly plan it and dream about the end. I know this is not a solution to my problems and the only thing that keeps me from doing it is the affect it will have on the people that love me, mostly that I would be abandoning my husband and since I have abandonment issues of my own I can't bring myself to abandon him. I am social drinker, but have not had the occasion to drink since 2001. Suddenly I find myself craving to drink at 10 in the morning. I know it's to relieve stress, but so far, I've resisted the urge to drink because I have a history of suicide attempts (dating back 20 years) which all ocurred while drinking. (and because my suicide "plans" are to go buy a bottle, get really drunk, drive back to my home which is currently in foreclosure and swallow the entire bottle of meds my doc gave me for panic attacks) My husband and I had a business that failed and we lost everything. We filed for Bankruptcy last year and lost our house, all of our money, everything. We relocated from New York to a state where the cost of living is 1/2 of what it is in NY. He got a job. I can't find one. I feel like we are living in poverty and that we will never recover from this. I have a dear friend whom I cherish who I just told about this yesterday and now doesn't seem to want to talk to me anymore. I just feel like I have nothing to look forward to in my future and nothing to live for. I'm on the edge, and I don't know what to do. I just need someone to talk to.