I need help.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by A1231988, Nov 27, 2010.

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  1. A1231988

    A1231988 Well-Known Member

    Not sure why I'm posting this. I guess I'm hoping that things I've read hold true for me and talking about it will make me feel better. Ever since I was 13 I've had suicidal thoughts. When I was a young teenager the thoughts came and went, and were fairly infrequent. As I got older, it got a lot worse. I'm constantly thinking about it now (when/how/where I would do it), and recently I've come very close to doing it. It would be nice to not have to do it, but I'm losing hope.

    My depression and thoughts of suicide tend to peak while I'm single or when a relationship is ending. I know it's not healthy, but I have a dependency on relationships. Feeling that special connection with somebody is like my anti-depressant. My thoughts of suicide recently have been over a girl I'm extremely in love with. We've been seeing each other for about a year now, and for most of that time she's been unable to completely decide if she wants me or the guy she was seeing before me.

    When we met it was my understanding that her relationship with him was going down hill and was going to end soon. We talked a lot, found out we have a lot in common, and started to really care for each other. Not long after I was already in love with her she admitted to me that she also loved the other guy still, and can't decide who she wants to be with. Every time I start to feel more secure about the situation she tells me she's unsure again. Every time I try to move on she contacts me and tells me she loves me and wants to be with me.

    What do I do? I really love her so much. This is tearing me to shreds and I can't handle it anymore. I'm not strong enough to move on if she's going to continue to contact me and try to be with me. I'm in a perpetual state of heartbreak. I find myself extremely paranoid that she's talking to him or spending time with him every time she's not talking to or spending time with me. All I want is to love her with all my heart and feel secure with our relationship, but I can't.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 27, 2010
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    maybe give her the space and see where it takes her IF her heart is not into the relationship better to let her go You deserve so much more than this yu deserve to be love totally with out all this heartache let her go and you find a person who will not play these games with your heart and soul. time tomove on okay find your true soul mate quit waisting time with her
     
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    As a woman who has gone through this, and as a mother of grown children, I can say to you what I have said to my children. "Some people we have to love from a distance." It means that sometimes we feel crushed and are going to cry and sometimes we will feel good about it.

    It all boils down to she is not willing to make a commitment, even when she loves someone. This is not a reflection on you or on her previous boyfriend. This is a reflection on her. Going back to her allows her to continue on this way. She may or may not change if you stay, and she may or may not change if you leave.

    That being the case, it's time to take a look at your needs. You stated that you are being crushed. Your needs are not being met in that case. I had to sort out this same kind of situation out in therapy.

    You are not alone in this problem. It's actually an age old problem. It's more prevalent now because societal values, customs, roles, and expectations are changing. The way we know people has completely changed. A little over 100 years ago most people never traveled more than 20 miles from their homes in their whole lives. The circle of people they knew was small and people knew early on who would marry who. Divorces was almost unheard of. It took commitment to face everything to have a happy life.

    Our lives now are uncharted and we have to find our way. Therapy, even group therapy is a good place to start because the rules have changed since times passed.

    I hope what I've posted here doesn't bring you down. My hope is to help you by showing you things happen for different reasons. Our society today is not big on commitment and I think that is one reason why commitment is so hard to make for many people.

    I hope you feel better soon. :hug:
     
  4. A1231988

    A1231988 Well-Known Member

    I appreciate the advice. I thought long and hard on this and decided I'm going to tell her I'm moving on if she can't decide. It's not worth all of this.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Good for you now you will have time to look for someone that truly cares about you and no more waisting time right At least she will know you are not going to be used by her anymore.
     
  6. A1231988

    A1231988 Well-Known Member

    She really is not a bad person. She has a lot of issues with depression too. She is actually bipolar and has attempted suicide before. I think her inability to decide is tied to her problem. I just am unfortunately not equipped to deal with that.
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your probably right her illness probably does play alot with her indecision but better to let her get help to stabilize and give her space You need time to look after your needs I hope all works out well for both of you
     
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi. Your life shouldn't depend on a relationship. You have to be your own person and be comfortable with being yourself. If you think that your relationship is meant to be then it's worth fighting for, but also keep in mind that many relationships end in heartbreak. Good luck.
     
  9. A1231988

    A1231988 Well-Known Member

    I ended it tonight. I can barely think straight. The next few weeks are going to be hard.
     
  10. Tiredofitall

    Tiredofitall Active Member

    I think part of the relationship was based on your need to try to help her through her troubles. That's a noble endeavor, but you need your own strength for you. Find someone who knows what she wants, and be strong together.
     
  11. Gustavo

    Gustavo New Member

    Good luck! It's always hard, no matter what. But you can ease it by focusing on bringing new things into your life. Things that take more of your time. I'd advise you just not to sit home alone, watching TV or browsing the web. Go outside, practice some sports, try learning a new language or something. One of the things that got me out of my depression over a relationship a few years ago was moving into a new apartment. I had so much stuff to do that I just had no time to think about her.
     
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