I'm not really one to do these type of things, but I'm really running out of options. My name is Doug and I'm twenty years old. My fiancee who I've been with for the past four and a half years just recently broke up with me. In the time I was with her, I gave up a lot for her. She was very shy so I phased out my friends and made her happy. I originally went to a college two hours away but transffered to make her happy (and dropped out of community college because I hated it). I got a good job at one point and was promoted all the way to the top, but I rarely had time to see her and this I quit. The sad thing is...I know I shouldn't have and I know it's pathetic, but I don't regret it. What I regret is now, I have absolutely nothing. No one to talk to. Nothing to keep me busy. What hurts is that my fiancee knows this and hasn't done much to help. She told me when we broke up that she wanted to be my best friend still, but she didn't want a relationship and wanted to be free. About five hours later, she was in a new relationship. Since then, she's just continually lied to me and is slowly phasing me out of her life. She makes plans and cancels them a week later. She'll say she'll call, but never does. When she does call, she'll talk, but when I try to tell her how I feel, she just bails. The worst part is...I know she's trying to a degree, but she doesn't realize how she's treating me and it just makes things so worse. Yesterday, she screamed at me that I was ruining her life and she didn't even like me. She took it back later, but I know it's true. I used to be her everything and now I'm fighting for last place in her life and it makes me so mad and I take that anger out on her. It's like she knows I'm horrible because I'm so alone right now, but she refuses to do anything about it. She only talks to me when I'm completely hysterical and I get that way because of her ignoring me and phasing me out of her life. I've tried so much to feel better. Talking with my family helped the first time, but after that, they didn't seem to want to dedicate time to actually talk to me and are just using this as fodder to push me back into school. I actually am contemplating school again, but the next semester doesn't start for two months and in the meantime, I'm getting worse and worse. I've tried re-connecting with my friends, but many of them are just ignoring me like I did to them when I phased them out. I've tried getting a new job, but I can't get any interests. I want to be a writer and I write for some websites and very small magazines and I've even tried writing an article, but it just does nothing. I don't want to die, but I don't see anything left for me truly. I know that in a few months, I might be better, but when every day feels like a year and each day is worse than the one before...I just can't take it. I always thought I was a strong person, but the pain is just too much for me to deal with. Nothing I do has meaning anymore and death is really the only thing that keeps popping up in my mind. I know this all cliche stuff and trivial, but I just don't know what to do at all.