i need hope

[idkwhatimdoingonhere]

i don’t wanna die but it’s like i just want to be alone with the people i love forever ya know. away from everyone else. so much shit has happened to me, it just feels like a never ending cycle of abuse. mentally, sexually, psychically. i cant trust men, or anyone for that matter. i don’t know what to do w myself anymore. the one person i have left is my mom, and my two best friends but i feel that they’ll be fine without me. i just feel that when my mom is gone i won’t have to feel guilty about leaving anymore. but yea idk where i’m going w this. i just kinda want a sign or reasons to stay. not that stuff like “most attempts don’t work”, more like “coffee when u wake up” or “the sunset”. idk if anyone knows what i mean lol. i feel dumb for doing this but if anyone read this thank you .

 

[Dinolaur]

hi @idkwhatimdoingonhere welcome to SF I don’t really know what to say to your post but didn’t want to leave you hanging.
Everyone has their own personal reasons for wanting out of their lives, but here, as a community we all try to help each other to stay alive and sane (or insane lol)
Just keep writing what you feel, there’s always going to be someone here that can relate to you in one way or another.
If you’re not finding that you’re getting responses here (although unlikely) there is always a chat room here where you can get some instant help or advice. There’s a general chat room and a support room but either is okay to ask for help in
There’s a massive sense of community here and we’ll all try to help each other
I hope you stay here and give it a chance you never know, I’ve made tons of friends here and I wouldn’t change them
Laur x

 

[Dani24]

I can relate in huge way. I want pain to go awaybut I don’t want to leave my mom hanging. If she wasn’t here i would not hesitate to kill myself. I do believe everyone is here for a reason. I am slowly recovering from things I don’t talk about to anyone. I am not good at taking my own advice and think of worse case scenarios.
I may not know you, but I want you to stay here, because I believe God put us on this earth for a rEason. He has timing when people come and go and finding their place in this world. So, just hold on a little longer.

 

[1964dodge]

welcome to SF @idkwhatimdoingonhere we are a peer group that cares but never judges. i'm sorry that you are doing so poorly right now but if you commit suicide your mother will never get over it. she will be destroyed with no hope of recovery for the rest of her life. you do have a lot of issues but things can get better in time. it may take therapy and meds as well as time, but the most important thing is hope, the belief and desire to get better. i hope you find a path to happiness...mike...

 

[may71]

Sorry that you've suffered and are suffering so much. That's really awful. I hope that something can help.

not that stuff like “most attempts don’t work”, more like “coffee when u wake up” or “the sunset”. idk if anyone knows what i mean lol

I think that makes sense. If I'm reading it right, it sounds like you don't want reassuring statements, but rather some practical things that can give you hope for getting better.

The links in my signature have some information about treatment methods. The treatment methods are mostly centered around depression, but many also apply to conditions like PTSD and anxiety.

Here's a copy of the links in case you're on a phone

Treating Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia and General Help
Acupressure Self-Massage for Depression, Insomnia, and Anxiety

If you feel at risk for an attempt, it's probably best to get on medication. It sounds like getting therapy might be good for you. If there are barriers to getting therapy that you are facing, we might be able to help you with that.

Acupuncture and traditional Chinese herbal medicine are two of my favorite treatment methods, and I can say more about the subject if you are interested.

Not consuming anything raw or cold (including water), and eating only freshly cooked foods helped me a lot and it might help you too.

A member here has recommended The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns. It's a book about CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. CBT is one of the best styles of therapy for treating depression, and there's evidence that learning the techniques on your own can help.

If you suffered sexual abuse as a child a member here has mentioned a book called The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis, for survivors of child sex abuse.

Curing Depression Naturally with Chinese Medicine is a book that has a lot of self-help methods for depression. It may only be available used, or as an e-book.

Practices like meditation, yoga, or qi gong might be worth trying too.

A daily exercise routine may help. Going for a brisk 20-30 minute walk each day may help you, just intense enough to barely break a sweat. You may want to switch to less intense exercise during the winter though.

I hope something can help

 

[Paisley]

i just kinda want a sign or reasons to stay. not that stuff like “most attempts don’t work”, more like “coffee when u wake up” or “the sunset”. idk if anyone knows what i mean lol.

What came to mind when I read this was the thought that if I die early I'm likely going to never know about a lot of great future movies/songs/books/art. Potentially, my all-time favourites have yet to be created. I guess it's curiosity.

 

[JDot]

Hey @idkwhatimdoingonhere It's understandable to want to be with the people you love. You'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you. And we're glad to have you here.

 

[KM76710]

Hello and welcome. I think if you stick around and join in with the folks here you may meet those who you think are worth getting to know and to stick around. I hope so at tleast.