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I need it to be said

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I need others to say it to me. Why am I the only one saying it. Why won't people just come out and SAY IT?!!

I need someone other than myself to admit that it WAS my fault, that I AM responsible.

PLEASE!!?? I'm begging, PLEASE, someone else needs to fucking say it out loud. We all KNOW it, but please I need someone to actually SAY it, other than myself. Please! :cry:
Hun, i think i know what your talking about. If im right then you know im not gonna agree with that. I don't think it was your fault and until the day i die i will never agree with you. You know what i think about this.

*hug attack*
I kindly request that there will be no replies like the above ones anymore to this thread. All I want and need is someone to SAY it out loud, rather than all thinking it and me being the only one saying it.
PLEASE :cry:

Sa Palomera

Well-Known Member
it's about S. Once my best friend. I promised I'd be there for her ALWAYS. Told her she could call me ANY time. Then, when she called me in the middle of the night I was the selfish, manipulative, fucked-up worst friend ever and didn't answer, because I was fucking "tired" . FUCK THAT. If I'd have fucking answered the damn phone she woulda been alive, she'd have lived through that night if I'd answered.

There ya go, Ester the murderer. Please just say it. I need someone other than me to admit it out loud. :cry:
Yeah knew it was about S. Well Est hun, i can tell you that i will NEVER agree with you on this. Until the day i die i will never agree that it was your fault. No fucking way. You can hate me all you like for that but that's something i CAN'T say that because with ALL my heart i don't agree. So many times we've been over this and time and time again i've told you my view on the situation. I can't change that because you want me too. I'm sorry that's something i can't do know and never will be able to do for one reason and thats because i don't believe it.

You know where i am sweetie.

Love ya lots n lots

*big big big big big hug attack*


Well-Known Member
What you did was awful, you made a promise and you broke it.

You probably weren't in a position to make that promise in the first place, and you don't know for sure that she'd still be alive if you had answered.

Even if you had saved her that night, she'd've tried again, and probably again.

Some people just give in, just don't get better. That isn't your fault.

You're not a murderer but you did let a good friend down, when she really needed you, it was a terrible, terrible thing to do, and you should be ashamed for it.

But you have been punished enough, you've more than paid the price for what you've done, and it's time you forgave yourself. You didn't kill her. The illness killed her. If you want justice then get well, don't let the illness take another life. Fight and fight and fight it till it's dead. Live a full and meaningful life, and help hundreds, maybe thousands more people during your life time, for every life that illness takes, you make sure you save a hundred.

That would make her happy, that would make her proud. and to see you trying so hard, I know that she would forgive you.


When I was 20 I had some very fixed ideas about who I was. I could easily say "I'm a bad person", "I'm selfish", "I'm useless", "I'm confused" etc. and the list would go on and on. 20 years later I ask myself "Am I still bad?", "Am I still selfish?" "Am I still confused" and the answers aren't easy it's a sort of "yes, no, maybe, depends"

And I wonder when things changed, when did I go from being bad to being ok, how many years did it take to go from being very confused to slightly confused and how many more years must I wait before I finally understand things. It’s easy to see that there is no single point in time, I’m constantly changing.

The past defines us, shapes us, makes us who we are, our joy, our pain, the people we know, the people we've lost, it all changes us. But we can never say "This is when I changed", in another 20 years I will see myself as a completely different person to how I see myself today and will probably ask myself the same questions.

The point is that when you say things like "I'm a murderer" then that is how you see yourself at this moment in time, but that's all it is, who you are is not something that's fixed, you used to be a certain type of person and in the future you'll be a different type of person, the person who you are now is simply a stage in between the two. It is a state of becoming.

So I try not to think of the past, I don't like who I was. The present day me is ok I guess, but what’s really changed things for me is that I now look to the future me with real hope. In the same way it would be false of me to say things like “I think you’re a wonderful person” or “I care about you deeply”, the truth is I simply think you have a lot of potential which would be a shame to waste.
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