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I need more strength

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by patacake, Sep 17, 2008.

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  1. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    Im going back to work today, it wont feel right without Dawn , we have a large workforce , they are excellent but today i dont want to be there with them.
    I need more strength and a lil time to heal my thoughts of what i saw and the torment of how close I came to losing Dawn - my friend and urs . Im trying to be happy and wishing my natural ability to sweep things to one side would kick in , it has does a few times but its not staying long enough to draw much strength from it.

    In the outside world both DAWN and me are so private , I know ALL the reasons Dawn uses this site and feels the way she does , many here know many of them as she has found the ability to post honest and open threads at times . I have noone today that I can look in th eye and tell how I really feel , how close it was and why I hate the ppl that have done this to both our lives , dont get me wrong we have many friends but there is noone with whom I will ever share Dawns issues.

    I dont want any credit for being thre for Dawn , I really dont , she would have done the same for me and we both would for any of you here, but I will say the posts I placed in crisis forum were so hard to write andur replies have helped me so much and I thankyou for those.

    I have to go get ready :cry: I ask for the strength to do this , to hold myself strong at work , and for my kids and for Dawn , if I can be allowed the strength to cope , I will do it and not falter. But its hard when I feel so alone and my heart and soul feel so numb and yet so exposed and vulnerable.

    Thank you all , please be safe , turn to your friends , let them help you want to stay , dont make them force you like i have done to my friend - again :cry2:

    Jo x
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 17, 2008
  2. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You are in my thoughts and prayers JO. May you find within the strenght to pursue your road without strumble as it is the last thing that either need.

    Take a day or two to yourself to pull back your thoughts and put some order in them and start finding some peace which you lack with the recent events.

    you are in my prayers. hug

    granny xox
  3. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    Jo..Be strong my friend..
    Whenever the load becomes too much, let us help you carry it.. You are in my thoughts and deeds hon..

    You are not alone..x
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I hope that you can find the strength you need patacake to face all of life's challenges. :hug:
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I really think you going back to work is a good thing. You need to socialize, nothing says you have to say anything just stand there and listen!! Do you have a therapist?
    You might want to speak with one and let them know what is going thru your head. You really need one because getting thru this is important. You might think you don't need one .but you do because they can dig deep and find out what is bring you down!!
    I wish you luck and hope you continue to seek help!! Good Luck.:chopper:.
  6. free_your_mind

    free_your_mind Active Member

    good luck and keep strong, don't let life's problems hold you down no matter what.
  7. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    You're not alone Jo :hug:
    You've the might of SF behind ya ;) :)
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Oh Jo! You are not alone hun. I know we arent in person but so many people here have you in their thoughts and prayers every day! Hun you need to take a step back now, out of all that has happened and is still happening. You are many many things hun, but not Superwoman! Take a day, away form everything surrounding the last couple of days events. Sleep in, have a long hot shower, call up a friend and go for an early supper and just be you! Not the angel, or terrific friend, or confidante, or super mom, or anything. Just be tried Jo who needs a break. The next day you can put all those hats back on but for that day in time, take a Jo break. Everyone including Dawn will understand. You know as well as we all do here, Dawn will say the same thing. Hell she will probably try to slip a few dollars in your pocket to smuggle some real food into her (lol)!!! Please hun allow yourself this little treat. Best to build yourself up when you can cuz you still have many hours ahead where Dawn will want and need you. Be strong girl and know you are loved dearly.
  9. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Jo, everyone here is behind you, supporting you and wishing you all the strength in the world! You are an amazing person :hug:
  10. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    Thanx all it was ok actually , helped me to focus . :hug:

    ur wishes have been fantastic ur all special ty xxxxxxxxxxxx
  11. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    I'm glad today went ok for you :hug:
  12. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sometimes getting back into the routine of things helps us to refocus our thoughts and escape for just a little while. I know how difficult this must have been but i am glad you found the strength and courage to face the workplace. You said you don't want to accept credit for helping Dawn, but give credit where credit is due. Dawn came to your house. She could very well have stayed home. Whether she realizes it or not she was reaching out to you for help and you provided what she needed. She knows what a good friend she has in you. True friendships are hard to come by. You are both lucky to share each other's lives. You are both in my thoughts as are T and the kids. Give Dawn my love. :hug:
  13. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    Jo :hug: I'm here for you, hun.
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