My head won't stop. Emotions are all over the place, crying one minute, angry the next..I don't do crying, cryin only happens for me when life is too much and I can't fight no more. I was told to keep fighting as life will get better...it doesn't, I have tried, I've tried to live, I've tried to die, I've tried drink, I've tried drugs, I've tried counselling but still I end up feeling that I have no more purpose here on earth. I still struggle to cope, nothing major needs to happen for me to be pushed back into darkness..its just me. I'm not able to settle in any place, any area, or with myself. I'm not able to deal with anything. I used to think maybe I will be ok, but I never felt it would be and the only time I was truely happy was each time I believed I was going to succeed in taking control over life and ending it. I just want out, I have a lot of what I need and I'm now wanting more then ever to die. I see my 4th counsellor tomorrow and I'm not sure if there is any point in fighting, when I just want to die. I want to die, I want out and my plans are going to be complete soon. I just have no more fight left. I'm weak, pathetic and useless in life. In death I want peace.