The story of my life is long and full of sadness, i was adopted by a single old woman when i was a little baby, when i was at school people will reject me for being adopted and always made my mom feel bad for being a single mom and older than any other mother. My adopted mom lives with her also single brother which since i was a little girl i used to call my dad, he is a heavy smoker and an alcoholic so the scene at home was always terrible, i never had friends because i was the adopted girl at school and also the very fat one people used to make fun of even the teachers and people out in the streets. Even if i had friends i was never able to bring them home because my "dad" was always drunk! When i was 13 or 14 i was doing very bad at math school and my mom hired the boyfriend of one of her best friends to teach me math and he tried to abuse me and my mother never believed in me, he made her believe that i was just being lazy and a liar and that i hit him really hard and he can´t continue with that which cause my mom a terrible embarrasment with her other friends and she apologized many times and made me apologize to this man many times in front of other people for lying about him. I had my first boyfriend at 15 and he turned out to be a manipulative man that hit me and just want to have sex with me which i was not able to do because of my trauma with my teacher and he treated me bad and i let him do that because he was the only one to hold me and to make me feel like someone care for me in some crazy way. When i was 18 i decided to change my life, started university and think that everything will be alright, i never really fit in there, most of my classmates where on drugs and i was always the fat little girl that no one wants around. At that time i met a man 3 years older than me and we started a relationship, he dumped me 2 weeks later because i told him that i was a virgin and it was hard for me to have sex. He made a big fool of me with his friends and once again i felt rejected and everyone will laugh at me for not being a pot smoker and a fat ugly virgin. At home things where never good, i needed to stay away from everything so i finally got my big chance to get out of the country and start a life on my own, be the real me and dont let anyone put me down. I spent the 2 most wonderful years of my life there and once more i fell for someone and this man turned out to be a terrible mistake in my life, i still love him and i cant put myself together when i´m without him but he hurts me really bad, he doesnt think i´m a girlfriend material, he will treat me verbally bad, he sees other girls and even make out with them in front of me, he says im the worst sex he ever had, he will ask me to leave him alone when he is with his friends. I tried to get out of him and date other man but all i got was man trying to lay with me or play me. I finally came back to my country after a lot of pressure of my parents saying that they were depressed and i should go back. I must say that besides all the problems i had with this man i was happy to be working and studying and developing myself profesionally and also having friends, for the first time in my life i had friends that cared for me, that will call me and i was very popular with them because i was funny and caring and loved! I never experienced that in my life before. Well i came back to my country and my parents are in a very bad situation, they need care and they dont have any money, i can´t seem to get a job, my life is a mess i feel bad again, i lose a lot of weight before travelling and i gained way more when i came back to my country because of the deep depression i have. I´ve been here for 4 months and there´s not one night i don´t cry, i have no money even for food or anything. I need so much therapy because i just want to die i can´t carry all of this on my shoulders. The man i was with contacted me and seemed to care about me but now he is with a woman in a serious relationship with her and they want to have kids and i dont know why her, she got him into troubles since they are together, he is confronting a trial now where he can be convicted and he is still with her, she is sick she has many traumas and has behavioural issues, she is a sex addcit and has other addictions, she made him forget about his old friends and left him appart from them, i can´t believe all he is doing for a woman that ruined his life and he will say that, he recognized that she is not good in his life but still they are strong and close they are now at the beach in a kind of honeymoon that she is entirely paying to make him happy. I feel like theres so much going on in my head i have no peace and no happiness i have to deal with a lot everyday, no money, no food, a lot of depression and a lot of tears... please help me i feel completely dead all i need is to find someone that can help me through this, that can see that i´m real and that i deserve to have love and to feel love, please help me!