I need so much help!

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by girl_28, Sep 25, 2006.

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  1. girl_28

    girl_28 Member

    The story of my life is long and full of sadness, i was adopted by a single old woman when i was a little baby, when i was at school people will reject me for being adopted and always made my mom feel bad for being a single mom and older than any other mother. My adopted mom lives with her also single brother which since i was a little girl i used to call my dad, he is a heavy smoker and an alcoholic so the scene at home was always terrible, i never had friends because i was the adopted girl at school and also the very fat one people used to make fun of even the teachers and people out in the streets. Even if i had friends i was never able to bring them home because my "dad" was always drunk! When i was 13 or 14 i was doing very bad at math school and my mom hired the boyfriend of one of her best friends to teach me math and he tried to abuse me and my mother never believed in me, he made her believe that i was just being lazy and a liar and that i hit him really hard and he can´t continue with that which cause my mom a terrible embarrasment with her other friends and she apologized many times and made me apologize to this man many times in front of other people for lying about him. I had my first boyfriend at 15 and he turned out to be a manipulative man that hit me and just want to have sex with me which i was not able to do because of my trauma with my teacher and he treated me bad and i let him do that because he was the only one to hold me and to make me feel like someone care for me in some crazy way. When i was 18 i decided to change my life, started university and think that everything will be alright, i never really fit in there, most of my classmates where on drugs and i was always the fat little girl that no one wants around. At that time i met a man 3 years older than me and we started a relationship, he dumped me 2 weeks later because i told him that i was a virgin and it was hard for me to have sex. He made a big fool of me with his friends and once again i felt rejected and everyone will laugh at me for not being a pot smoker and a fat ugly virgin.

    At home things where never good, i needed to stay away from everything so i finally got my big chance to get out of the country and start a life on my own, be the real me and dont let anyone put me down. I spent the 2 most wonderful years of my life there and once more i fell for someone and this man turned out to be a terrible mistake in my life, i still love him and i cant put myself together when i´m without him but he hurts me really bad, he doesnt think i´m a girlfriend material, he will treat me verbally bad, he sees other girls and even make out with them in front of me, he says im the worst sex he ever had, he will ask me to leave him alone when he is with his friends. I tried to get out of him and date other man but all i got was man trying to lay with me or play me. I finally came back to my country after a lot of pressure of my parents saying that they were depressed and i should go back. I must say that besides all the problems i had with this man i was happy to be working and studying and developing myself profesionally and also having friends, for the first time in my life i had friends that cared for me, that will call me and i was very popular with them because i was funny and caring and loved! I never experienced that in my life before. Well i came back to my country and my parents are in a very bad situation, they need care and they dont have any money, i can´t seem to get a job, my life is a mess i feel bad again, i lose a lot of weight before travelling and i gained way more when i came back to my country because of the deep depression i have. I´ve been here for 4 months and there´s not one night i don´t cry, i have no money even for food or anything. I need so much therapy because i just want to die i can´t carry all of this on my shoulders. The man i was with contacted me and seemed to care about me but now he is with a woman in a serious relationship with her and they want to have kids and i dont know why her, she got him into troubles since they are together, he is confronting a trial now where he can be convicted and he is still with her, she is sick she has many traumas and has behavioural issues, she is a sex addcit and has other addictions, she made him forget about his old friends and left him appart from them, i can´t believe all he is doing for a woman that ruined his life and he will say that, he recognized that she is not good in his life but still they are strong and close they are now at the beach in a kind of honeymoon that she is entirely paying to make him happy. I feel like theres so much going on in my head i have no peace and no happiness i have to deal with a lot everyday, no money, no food, a lot of depression and a lot of tears... please help me i feel completely dead all i need is to find someone that can help me through this, that can see that i´m real and that i deserve to have love and to feel love, please help me!
  2. girl_28

    girl_28 Member

    please help me i am very depressed now i just want to dissapear from the world i havent eat in 2 days and been in my bed for 4 days my parents dont even care about it i am all alone please tell me something i need a friend i need someone to listen too i feel dead.
  3. immure

    immure Account Closed

    ah things sound real hard for u right know. if i could save u what would u have me do first?
  4. girl_28

    girl_28 Member

    i just want one smile, a warm hugh an i love you... i just want time to listen to me, eyes to look at me and arms to hold me. I want to trust in someone, i want to have a friend... that´s the thing i want the most, a friend!
  5. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    hi girl 28,
    first, welcome to the forum.
    I think you had a very hard time growing up under those circumstances, your life story is very sad and I feel sorry that you had to go through all that.
    I agree that you need love and deserve it,and I hope that you will find that very soon.
    Are you getting any professional help for your depression? I guess it might be difficult if you have financial trouble, but it might be usefull and probably there's something to work out about the money side of it.
    At least I am sure you can make friends here, even if we can only provide virtual hugs, but we'll be here for you ,listenning caring, trying to make you feel safe and loved.
    Feel free to post as much as you want and I wish you better times
  6. girl_28

    girl_28 Member

    thank you i really need someone by my side that can love me good and can make me feel like im worth, i need to find a job to have money to get myself treated my parents say that i´m just going through a phase and is not worth to invest in some extra help because i will get over it soon they don´t realize that this is being going on my whole life, i can´t tell them cause i don´t want to hurt them my mom everytime i talk about my feelings starts crying and saying that she was never a good mother and that i make her feel bad and sad and she says she doesn´t want to hear what i have to say because it will hurt her and make her feel like killing herself so i really have no one to talk to about this... i have no friends, my parents scared them away with my dad alcoholism and my mom never liked me having any male friends so i was never able to have a boyfriend i can take home or to be in a relationship healthy i have so much going on i feel a big looser and i just want to end with all of this is not worth, no one cares for me, i have no one to cry for me, if i had the courage i will have done it a long time ago but i´m a big looser that i can´t not even have the courage to kill myself now and end with this.
  7. girl_28

    girl_28 Member

    Remember that song "no rain" by blind melon? that has always being my song that´s the one i listen to everytime everyday.
  8. s.b.

    s.b. Member

    i was reed you story, and i wont to he;p you, but how, i think onli can i do it help you, i mean i can tolk to you or chat, and it's will be small, bu support, and if you need i can be you frend, i understand what you feel
  9. girl_28

    girl_28 Member

    thank you for all that you say i really need friends now and to talk a lot, i try to talk to a friend and tell her how i feel but she didnt answer me, she read my msg and was online the whole morning but didn´t say anything i think i became a big weight to everyone i have no one to talk to and is driving me crazy.. thank you for listening and be kind and say you can be my friends.
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