i need some advice in communicating with people

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by twilight, Oct 12, 2006.

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  1. twilight

    twilight Well-Known Member

    I know talking with people is supposed to be an easy thing to do but it is not for me. I try to think of something interesting to say but I can't do it. It is really a struggle for me. I get so anxious in social situations. I would probably speak up in class but that gives me even more anxiety. I am not someone who hates everyone and wants to be alone and I wish people would realize how hard it is for me.
     
  2. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I realize just how hard it is for you. :smile:
    Just look at me, a second year college student who hasn't made a single friend yet, in contrast to my parent's friend's children who spend two months in college and make at least 10 friends.

    Sorry I have no advice to give since I am in your same situation, but I do understand you 100%
    I don't have trouble speaking in class or having small talk with random people, but I just can't make friends, get into a relationship with people
     
  3. I kinda just stumbled upon this forum, and saw your post.

    I'm like this too. I always feel like I have nothing to say or anything to add on to a conversation. I've learned two tricks that have helped me so much.

    1. Acknowledge when things are awkward! I'm a fan of saying, "Well, that killed the conversation" or actually saying, "Things got quiet fast." I'm usually met with laughter on these observations.

    2. The question game. My father taught me this one, and it's served me well. When you first meet someone, ask questions! Build upon facts that they give you. I usually go through their resume' first, proceeding to hobbies and interests. This way, you guide yourself along the conversation, providing comments like, "I've never been to Seattle" or "I like that movie too" or in my case, "I'm am freaking lost in this class too!" The beauty of this game is that people love to talk about themselves. I'm not saying that disclosing something about yourself is bad, nor is the desire to share your thoughts or feelings. It's just REALLY easy to glean information from people. Stay (or at least appear) interested and take the chance to learn these things.

    Be careful to not turn it into an interrogation session, dash in a couple comments here and there, and it's always worked for me.

    Trust me, I'm ridiculously shy.
     
  4. eih

    eih Well-Known Member

    I'm shy as well.. the way I've found to deal with it is.. uhm.. well I dunno just take deep breaths.. thats all that works for me
     
  5. claycad

    claycad Well-Known Member

    You sound like a clear cut case of social anxiety. I would suggest talking to a therapist or doctor about diagnosis.

    I'm similar, but different. I have no trouble finding opportunities to strike up a conversation, but even though I can think of a million things to say, I don't.

    As far as conversation starters, you knows advice is good. People LOVE to talk about themselves. Ask about hobbies, or if they have a cool mp3 player or whatever tell them its cool maybe ask where they got it at, whatever. ask about their favorite things that you might be into as well. If you like movies, ask what movies they like. If there is new movie out, go see it. Then ask have you seen such and such movie yet? If they say yes then boom, you have something in common to talk about, if they so no, recommend it and tell them why its good (assuming its a good movie to begin with) this can be applied to anything - books, music, philosophy, bands, sports, TV, video games (hey have you played the new "whatever" game) current news events (hey did you hear what happened on the news today!) etc. Also, not everyone is going to like the same things you do, but there are still ways around that. You can compliment someone’s clothes, shoes, haircut, watch, jewelry, taste in music - whatever…those are all good ice breakers (even if you really don’t like their clothes shoes watch etc. Of course just breaking the ice doesn’t mean you are going to make new best friend, but it might and you never know unless you try.

    In a way it may take effort. Like watching or reading current news just to strike up a conversation even if you really find the news boring. And listening is as important as talking. So don't go on and on about yourself, let the other person speak as much as you do or even more. Of course all of this is easier said then done. If you find that even with suggestions like these it is difficult, then I would suggest getting diagnosed for social anxiety...therapy and medication really can help it if that is what you have.

    Just some other things that might be good ice breakers…

    “hey did you study for that quiz, I hope I don’t fail” (even if you know you won’t)

    “whoa, that math test was hard, how do you think you did?”

    “I can’t wait to see the new will ferrel movie coming out next week, do you think it will be funny?”

    “Have you heard the new “insert band name here” CD?”

    I’m sure you get the idea…hope it is of some help.
     
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