I need some help working through this...

[375]

I'm depressed and been having suicidal thoughts recently. The reason why I am depressed is multifold. I'm under too much pressure and I feel trapped.

I'm in my last semester of college, but I don't have a job, while everyone one I know does. Don't give me any BS about 'the economy or examples of other people that don't have jobs.' It doesn't make me feel better. I like to strive to be the best.

The worst part is my parents keep on pressuring me about the job. I don't have a good relationship with my parents so I don't want to talk to them about it.

I know exactly what I want to do. I've been working hard to get there, i.e. interning, reading industry books, etc... But try as I might, I can't get an interview or full time offer. And the reason is, I made a mistake my Freshmen and Sophomore years by getting a bad GPA. Bad GPA = no interview.

Now of course, I could try to get a job in another industry, but I know I wouldn't be happy. And I'd likely be pigeon holed in the job and never be able to transfer to the industry I want to be in. I won't be motivated to do something I don't want to do. I'd be depressed still. I wouldn't be able to fake an interview and pretend I liked what I was getting into.

There is just so much pressure I can't stand it. My friend is looking for a roommate next year and he's waiting for me to get a job, but I can't. I don't want to leave him hanging and I also feel bad that I am leaving him hanging. My current roommate is looking to sublet our apartment. I'd love to sublet except I don't have a job and as a result, I don't know if I should sublet yet. But I don't want to keep him hanging and have him lose the interested subletters.

My parents keep on complaining about not having money etc and that I need a job. But I can't get one. I've tried.

I guess one good thing is, I do have an exam/interview coming up. And it's for a job I really want. I've been studying a lot for the job, reading all the books I can. But the thing is, I'm starting to doubt myself. I don't think I can pass the exam and get the interview. And I know this is my one and only shot at it.

The doubt is also preventing me from learning the material, which in turn makes me depressed, which intern makes me doubt myself more etc.. I can't break through this cycle.

I guess I should hold of my suicidal thoughts until after the exam/interview, but the pressure is just not helping out. But I just can't do it.

 

[Terry]

Take a deep breath!

Nothing is ever as black and white as your mind is making it and you need to calm down or you will scupper yourself.
YOU CAN DO THIS!

Read what you need for the exam but don't over load yourself or it will all get muddled and lost.
Read up on the company so that you have good responses and sensible, intelligent questions for the interview. Companies love people who take the time to know about the place they are trying to get a job at.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

Don't over think the whole thing, do what you need to, be yourself and nail that interview!!!
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

 

[champie]

After taking Terry's advice consider this....

How many first round draft picks, High School and College Superstars, Child Prodigies, etc have ended up as THE BEST? Hmm, now I have to define THE BEST.

I hope you see my point. You are where you are with the GPA you have. You have an interview/exam that you are either prepared for or not.

Even if you are you may still not get the job.

You don't need to impress your friends, solve your family's financial problems, and be THE BEST right out of college in your first job in the field.

Maybe something less demanding that gives you the time and the emotional space to contemplate your future desires rather than allow circumstances to dictate your demands would suit you better?

It's not a race, though it is marketed that way