I need some inspiration, motivation or just plain advice

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ThankYouForSmoking, Feb 17, 2014.

  1. ThankYouForSmoking

    ThankYouForSmoking New Member

    I'm a pretty attractive guy I think and I'm very friendly and once I get comfortable with someone I feel I'm a great person to be around. Sorry, put all of that into past tense. Last summer was amazing. I had my amazing, love of my life girlfriend of a year and a half and my family surrounding me and all my friends. I was out every night mostly with my girlfriend as I wanted to spend time with her more than anyone in the world. As crazy as it sounds we even talked about marriage before I left as we were both very in love with each other. I departed to college with high hopes for my future. Boy was I wrong, I found myself homesick and missing my family and my girlfriend so much. I regularly Skyped and....sexted my girlfriend as we both were having withdrawals from sex haha. She was my first everything. I slowly sort of became depressed and confused as to why I couldn't make any friends. It ended up resulting in pushing my gf away and eventually breaking up with her in my confusion. This lead to a painful breakup and a lot of pain on my part because I heard from sources back home she was crying every night. I thought that it would make her happier as I was far away and she wasn't looking forward to her senior year due to lack of friends. The same went for me, as I thought the breakup would spur me to go out and meet people. We stayed in contact over the course of a month and a half and after I sort of collected myself I crawled back to her. I Skyped her and asked to get back together. She told me she was seeing someone now and people would later tell me "oh yeah man you really effed her up." After failing multiple times to get back with her and hearing stories that she had had sex with someone else (which ripped my heart to pieces) I went back for break from school. I was aware she wasn't with anyone anymore but that she had lots of friends and an amazing social life. We kissed and I let all my feelings out to her but she was not the girl I had left. I could tell that she wanted to be back together but she said she could never bring her mind to that place as long as I was away at college and that she was really enjoying her life and did not want the added stress of a boyfriend long distance. And thats been her excuse ever since. But I believe her, why would she want to be with me after I hurt her so bad and I'm so far away. She even told me that in the month and a half after the breakup she had learned to hate me. I have lost a step and I'm not sure who I am anymore. I don't have friends, I haven't met a girl, and I sit in my dorm all the time and do nothing. I have no idea how to meet people and my ex still lingers in my thoughts since I haven't met a girl since her. And I am so demotivated to meet people because of her. She was the perfect girlfriend and the perfect best friend and nobody I meet compares to her. I miss all the little things like her mannerisms and the way she talks. I flunked my first semester of college and I don't even have my wonderful family here to support me. I have started smoking and getting drunk when I can to forget my problems. Like I said I have no idea how to meet people because I'm socially awkward. I don't know what to do anymore and at the end of the day the only person I want to Skype or text my problems too is her..but I fight the urge. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I get my life back together and meet people? And how do I forget about her...
     
  2. justsomegirl

    justsomegirl Well-Known Member

    Okay, wow, that is a lot to have on your shoulders. It must have taken a big step for you to post that here; I'm glad you did so that we can support you.

    I don't pretend to have all the answers to love - I don't think anyone does. But I can tell you that my experience has been that you have to let people come to you. You let them know where you stand, make sure they know that. But then you kind of just have to let them alone to make their own decisions. Some space is not necessarily a bad thing. I know you miss her, and I can only imagine how much you're hurting right now. But you're having a tough time and need to focus on getting yourself into a good place. Is there a counselor at school you can talk to? A lot of colleges offer so many free sessions. I also encourage you to find some social outlets, whether it's meeting friends in class or doing something extracurricular.

    Having your heart broken sucks, especially when you feel like you made a mistake. The best you can do now is try to get yourself somewhere good and see where things fall into place.
     
  3. seed11

    seed11 Member

    Girl problems suck. For me it's basically the worst thing about being a male, because talking to people about love and feelings always makes me feel somewhat less of a man haha :) . You said you needed advice, well it sounds like, when you first went to college, you made the mistake of not investing time into making friendships. It really, really isn't too late, trust me. Social isolation is horrible man, I've been there, you just need to get OUT there. You need to promise yourself that you aren't going to let this destroy you without even trying to fix it. When I started college (college in england is like High School in America, two years of study before you go to University aged 18), I totally focused on my grades, without trying to make friends. BIG MISTAKE, but I'm happy(ish) in the knowledge that I'm trying to make my situation better. Even if you just got a small group of nice people you hung out with once in a while, it's a great start. That is as much advice I can give you, because frankly I am socially retarded. But you even said it yourself, you're "pretty attractive" and you HAVE been happy in the past... you're at college, just try and see if you can move on.

    Keep us updated buddy, being suicidal is the worst emotion and we all want to see you post saying your life is getting better. x
     
  4. ThankYouForSmoking

    ThankYouForSmoking New Member

    Thank you both for the advice. Every little bit helps. I got into a fraternity in an effort to meet people but in reality when I hang out with people it just makes me feel more lonely. It makes me think about how none of them are her. I'm sick of feeling sick all the time, I'm sick of feeling like I have a fever or I'm gonna throw up just because of my loneliness and because of her. Whenever I try to fix the problem and get myself to a better place I end up just feeling worse at the end of the day. I texted her today trying to make small talk but obviously it just made me miss her more when I realized that she really doesn't care if I talk to her or not. I've always been able to see a light at the end of the tunnel, an end to all my problems but this just feels like it's never gonna go away. It's too deep and she was such a massive part of my life, so you can imagine that she left a massive hole when she left me.
     
  5. seed11

    seed11 Member

    Yeah man, you really have got to stop texting her though. My advice is: meet up with your frat friends more often, never text her again, and do not rush into a new relationship just because you feel lonely. THIS, my friend, is the way to handle a break up, and things will get better. I'm serious man just force yourself to do this, because you have to understand that depression causes you to lose motivation so you are not thinking 100% rationally. In 10 years time will you still love her? No way man, because if you don't talk to her and don't think about her you move on and create new friendships and new relationships. You are at college, you make lifelong friends here (and maybe a future wife) so accept that you are depressed and force yourself to change your routine. You should be feeling better within a few months. :)

    *edit* also you might want to stop smoking while the habit is still new, I used to smoke for over a year and that was pretty hard for me to kick. I know if I would have stopped earlier it would have been easier. I'm not a preacher,it's just if you look at the facts they are pretty fucking horrible. Just a question, how often do you feel you want to kill yourself? Is it constant or is it like me, only when you have had a bad day?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 18, 2014