I need some kind of help.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thehollow, Jul 7, 2007.

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  1. thehollow

    thehollow Member

    Hey everyone, this is my first post here (I'm sorry if it isn't very coherent, there's just a lot of thoughts in my head). I'm 16 years old and suffering from a lot of depression... due to a lot of things. When I was growing up, my parents constantly argued with one another (and still do to this day), and I think it was one of the contributing factors to who I am today. Currently, I have almost no real friends... I only have one good friend, my best friend. I'm very shy and not social at all. I prefer to be alone but at the same time I want someone to talk to. I can't seem to talk to my family members or friend(s) because of my awkwardness. I'm also really, really skinny for my age (a little below 110 lbs. last time I checked), which is another thing I'm ashamed about.

    However, I'm really, really intelligent, and I've been making high honors ever since middle school. At the same time, however, I'm having suicidal thoughts. I keep thinking: "well, I've always had a crappy life, so why not end it now? I have almost no friends, I can't talk to anyone or seem to get help, I can't get any attention, so what's the point?" I'm also really stressed out about some other minor things, like getting a job soon, going to college, etc. I have some plans but I'm always worried about what happen to my future. I hate ignorance and I hate it when I can't seem to do some simple jobs that only take common sense... I feel like a dumbass when I can't do simple things... but on the opposite side of the spectrum, I'm getting straight A's on papers, quizzes, and projects.

    I can control myself and know when enough is enough, so I don't think I'll ever come to the point where I may kill myself, but I'm so tired of feeling lonely and depressed.

    I guess this post was kind of a vent and a search for any advice you guys might have. I'd like to know how to build my self-confidence, become more social, gain weight, and maybe be happy again. I think joining this forum was a good idea for myself, since it seems like a lot of the people here are helpful and share the same problems. Well, thanks, and I'll see you guys around.
     
  2. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF hollow. Hope you will find some support here,we are a group of friendly people and are all going though similar problems like you are. So its was good youve been able to vent a bit. We are here for you and are listening. :hug:
     
  3. thehollow

    thehollow Member

    Thanks for the reply, good to be here. :biggrin:
     
  4. crazy

    crazy Well-Known Member

    hey there thehallow. Welcome!!!! I could relate to so much of your post. When I was growing up my parents fought horribly so I got placed with my grandparents who also faught, just not physically with one another. I too think that type of environment had a huge impact on me, my personality, and opinions.

    Through out middle and high school my friends kept getting less and less until I only had one left. From the time I was about 13 or 14 I started struggling with deep depression, feelings of worthlessness, believe I wasn't nearly as competent as I should be, and would stress about things that were months, even years away from occuring.

    In my opinion, getting a job and going to college aren't minor things. Yes it is true that most people do both, they are also big life changes. What I mean is that both events can affected your life, espeically college. But theyre not the only things that affect your future.

    I'm 22 and I have tried college 3 times. The most college credit I got was a quarter worth. Does that mean I can't do something simple? Absolutely not. I have to constantly remember that simple things are not always easy things. Sometimes the simplest things are the most difficult to complete. If I don't complete something on the first try does that mean I'm a failure? Again absolutely not. The only time I can't do something is only when I stop trying to accomplish whatever I am attempting to do. Another thing I have to remind myself is that the only failure there is when I fall down and stay down; as long as I keep getting up I am succeeding.

    I also worry about my future. I worry where I'll be living in a year, where I will work, what I will become after I finish college and so many other things....to many to list. When I start to worry about what my future is gonna look like in 3 months, a year, etc I have to remind myself that the present is called just that , the present, because it is a gift. If I stay in the present my future will also be a gift. If I stay in the past I am liable to repeat mistakes I had made. If I stay in the future I am going to miss the wonderful gift of today.

    I hope that helped some. If you ever need a friend talk to please feel free to pm me any time
     
  5. crazy

    crazy Well-Known Member

    hey there thehallow. Welcome!!!! I could relate to so much of your post. When I was growing up my parents fought horribly so I got placed with my grandparents who also faught, just not physically with one another. I too think that type of environment had a huge impact on me, my personality, and opinions.

    Through out middle and high school my friends kept getting less and less until I only had one left. From the time I was about 13 or 14 I started struggling with deep depression, feelings of worthlessness, believe I wasn't nearly as competent as I should be, and would stress about things that were months, even years away from occuring.

    In my opinion, getting a job and going to college aren't minor things. Yes it is true that most people do both, they are also big life changes. What I mean is that both events can affected your life, espeically college. But theyre not the only things that affect your future.

    I'm 22 and I have tried college 3 times. The most college credit I got was a quarter worth. Does that mean I can't do something simple? Absolutely not. I have to constantly remember that simple things are not always easy things. Sometimes the simplest things are the most difficult to complete. If I don't complete something on the first try does that mean I'm a failure? Again absolutely not. The only time I can't do something is only when I stop trying to accomplish whatever I am attempting to do. Another thing I have to remind myself is that the only failure there is when I fall down and stay down; as long as I keep getting up I am succeeding.

    I also worry about my future. I worry where I'll be living in a year, where I will work, what I will become after I finish college and so many other things....to many to list. When I start to worry about what my future is gonna look like in 3 months, a year, etc I have to remind myself that the present is called just that , the present, because it is a gift. If I stay in the present my future will also be a gift. If I stay in the past I am liable to repeat mistakes I had made. If I stay in the future I am going to miss the wonderful gift of today.

    I hope that helped some. If you ever need a friend talk to please feel free to pm me any time
     
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